Journal of Adrmnced Nursing, 1992,17,1200-1209
Witnessing family violence: the children's experience Janet R EncksenMARN Senior Instructor
and Angela D Henderson MSN RN Assistant Professor, Umverstty of Bnttsh Columbia, School of Nursing, Vancouver, Bnttsh Columbia, Canada
Accepted for pubiicahon 2 March 1992
ERICKSEN J R & HENDERSON A D (1992) joumal of Advanced Nurstng 17, I200-I209 Witnessing family violence: the children's experience A phenomenological study was conducted m order to descnbe the expenence of children as they accompany their mothers who are leavmg abusive relationships Thirteen children were interviewed The children descnbe their expenence as having three components hvmg with violence, hvmg m transition and hvmg with Mom Themes withm these components are identified, and implications for nursing practice are discussed WIFE ABUSE
the part of the woman As tension builds, the man becomes
Wife abuse is endemic m North Amencan soaety A
mo™ oppressive and the woman feels helpless Phase two
conservahve eshmate is that one m 10 women m Canada IS battered every year (MacLeod 1987) Most of these women have children Recent stahstics show, for example, that 70% of the women who use the services of transihon houses are accompamed by duldren, the majonty of whom are under 10 years of age (MacLeod 1987)
^ ^ ^ '^*'^" ^^ ^'*^-"P *^"*^°" ^^P*^ '"*° violence "^^ultmg m the woman either commithng suiade or being ^ " ^ °"^ ^^^'^ ^^^ * ^ ^ *^ charactenzed by the man's th nonnal and acceptable.
Wtinesstng family violence
they are also unaware of altemahve means of expressmg their angry feeling mid handlmg conflict 5-year-old
researcher 5-year-old researcher 5-year-old
[about fighhng with her sister] Oh yeaK she hits me, she kicks me And I get mad and I do it bade What does your Mom say? Has she ever seen you guys hithng each other? Yeah, she doesn't like it All of a sudden it starts all over agsun Is there any other way that you can get nd of your anger besides hitting or arguing? I don't know
It IS already well documented that violence m the family of ongm IS a factor in adult abuse In order to break this cyde, children from abusive families need to be helped to leam that (a) hittmg is not alnght, (b) not all families are physically abusive, and (c) there are non-violent methods for resolvmg conflict Not surpnsingly, the mothers of these children, too, need help to unlearn violence In talking with the mothers of the same children m this study it was found that, while the mothers are generally aware of the children's acceptance of violence, disapprove of it and want it to change, they are unaware of ways to improve the situation
Sadness A second fmdmg of mterest concems the sense of sadness which permeates the children's expenence, these are not happy children The children are able to descnbe this sadness, and most attnbute it to the loss of their fathers (Tm sad because I miss my Dad so much') This finding is smular to that found m the literature on children of divorce, wherem the children's immediate reaction to the divorce (or the separation) may include gnef over the loss of their intact family, concem and guilt regarding their own role in the dissolution of the family, and concem for their future and their relationships with their parents (Wallerstem & Kelly 1980) As such, gnef work with these children may be appropnate The sadness descnbed by the children may also appropnately be seen m the context of a psychological reachon to the many shesses which they expenence Among the shesses common to these children are family dissoluhon, several changes m living accommodahons, changes of schools, changes of fnends and change m socio-econonuc status As such, the children may benefit from help m the form of bemg provided with an opportunity to express their feeimgs, to receive danfication and assurances, and to
discover the possible posihve aspects of the changes that have taken place (Chess & Hassibi 1986) The sadness of these particular children from violent homes is complicated by their perception that they carmot talk to their mothers about their sadness because it would upset their mothers This is vahdated by the mothers who descnbe themselves as bemg too overwhelmed, hred and stressed themselves to meet their children's psychological needs, despite their awareness of these needs (Henderson 1990) Clearly mtervenhons aimed at meetmg the mothers' needs must occur before or simultaneously with mterventions directed at the children
Coping behaviours Thirdly, several of the behaviours which children who have witnessed violence use to cope with their expenence are of concem The seekmg of sohtude, use of fantasy, avoidance and disengagement seen m many of these children have potential consequences for their future development and mental health It may be that these behaviours are a reflection of the children's sense of powerlessness to affect their situation, rather than seeking extemal help, they tum mwcird Studies have found that children whose mothers were battered perceive themselves to have sigmficantly less conhol over their hves than children from non-violent homes (Moore et al 1990) Consequently, mterventions to empower these children by helping them to feel more in control would benefit them enormously
IMPLICATIONS FOR NURSING PRACTICE Because of their focus on the wholeness of expenence and their teaching and communication skills, nurses can play a major role in helping these child witnesses to family violence Nurses working m community settmgs, particularly nurses who work in schools emd commumty cenhes, have a major role to play simply by case finding Nurses should be alert to children who may be from violent homes — identifying them and offenng support This research has found that children from violent homes often feel ignored and feel that they have no one to talk to, yet these same children will readily talk about their expenence when given the opportunity to do so Through achve listenmg, nurses can provide this much-needed support Nurses can also estabbsh and faahtate support groups for these children The goals of such groups should lndude the following to share common expenence thereby lessenmg feelmgs of isolation, to discuss emohonal readions m order to achieve a more accurate cognihve perception of 1207
J EncksenandA Henderson
the expenenee, to share and kam more rffective methods of coping, and to leam more effechve conflict resoluhon strategies Similarly, mirses can offer parenting support groups for mothers who have been battered m orckr to help the mothers eope with their own stressors, to teach them more rffective conflict resoluhon strategies, and to assist them to talk with and help their children more effeetively With goals parallelmg the children's groups, such groups would offer a means of lessenmg the soaal lsolahon of these women, of decreasmg stress and of mcreasmg the mothers' sense of eompetenee and control as parents
CONCLUSIONS Thefindingsof this study suggest that most ehildren who have witnessed the abuse of their mothers are able to dbscuss their expenenees, indeed, many are eager to and appear relieved at having the opportumty to cio so Not only are the children able to descnbe what they have witnessed, they are also able to descnbe their feelmgs about having witnessed these events However, while these children are able to diseuss their expenenee, m most eases they feel they have no one with whom to discuss it Most of these duldren eope with their expenenee as best as they ean by themselves, using toys, solitude and sometimes eseape While a few of the ehildren find eomfort m having a fnend to talk to, preferably someone who is having similar expenenees, the ehildren are divided m their opimons of the actual or potential helpfulness of their peers Addihonally, the proteehveness these ehildren feel toward their mothers eoupled with the perceived emotional unavailability of the mothers prevent the childrenfromdiscussing their eoneems with them Nurses need to hsten to what duld witnesses to violenee are saymg and develop programmes whieh meet their needs The fear, uneertamty and sadness whieh these ehildren desenbe, together with the powerlessness whieh they feel and their acceptance of violence as an appropnate response to conflict, have sigmficant lmpbcations for their eurrent and future mental health These ehilciren need to be given tools that they ean use to eope more effeetively with their expenenee There is too mueh at stake to do otherwise
Acknowledgement This study was supported by a grant from the Bnhsh Columbia Health Care Research Fund #134(87-1) 1208
References Armstrong D A (1986) Shelter based parentmg programs a skill building process Children Today 15(2), 16-20 Bemheuner L P (1986) The use of quabtative methodology in child health research Chtldren's Healih Care 14(4), 224-232 Chess S & Hassibi M (1986) Pnnaples and Prachce of Chtld Psychtairy 2nd edn Plenum Press, New York Emery RE (1982) Interparental conflict and the children of discord and divorce Psychological Bulleim 92(2), 310-330 Giorgi A (1987) Phenomenology and Psychological Research Duquesne University Press, Pittsburg, Pennsylvania Henderson A D (1990) Children of abused wives their influence on their mothers' deasion Canada's Menial Healih 38(2/3), 10-13 Hethenngton E M , Cox M & Cox R (1979) Play and social interaction in children following divorce Journal of Soaal Issues 35,26-49 Hilberman E & Munson K (19878) Sixty battered women Vichmology 2, 460-470 Hughes H M (1982) Bnef mtervenhons with children in a battered women's shelter a model preventive program Famtly Relahons 3 1 , 495-501 Hughes H M (1986) Research with children m shelters lmphcahons for clinical services Chtldren Today 15(2), 21-25 Hughes H M & Barad SJ (1983) Psychological functioning of children in a battered women's shelter a prebminary mveshgahon Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiahy 53(3), 525-531 Jaffe P , Wilson S & Wolfe D A (1986) Promotmg changes m athtudes and understanding of conflict resolution among child vichms and witnesses to faimly violence Canadian Joumal of Behavioural Sctence 18(4), 356-366 Jones LP (1988) A typology of adolescent runaways Chtld and Adolescent Social Worfc 5(1), 16-29 Keronac S, Taggert M E , Lescop J & Fortm M F (1986) Dimensions of health m violent families Healih Care for Women Iniemaitonal 7(6), 413-426 Levine M (1975) Interparental violence and its effects on the children a study of 50 families in general practice Medtcal Saence and Law 15,172-176 LedmghamJ & Crombie G (1988) Promohng the mental health of children and youth a enheal review of reeent literature Canada's Menial Healih 36(1), 9-14 Limandn B J (1987) The therapeuhc relationship with abused women Joumal ofP^chosoaal Nursing 25(2), 9-16 MacEwenKE & Barling J (1988) Multiple stressors, violence m the family of ongm, and mantal aggression a longitudinal mveshgahon Joumal of Famtly Violence 3(1), 73-87 MacLeod L (1987) Baiiered But Noi Beaien Prevenhng Wife Abuse in Canada Canadian Advisory Counal on the Status of Women, Ottawa Moore T E, Pepler D , Wemberg B, Hanimond L, Waddell J & Weiser L (1990) Researcii on children from violent families Canada's Menial Hetdih 38(2/3), 19-23 Oiler-Boyd C (19W) Qualitative approaches to researeh In Research Methods, Cntical Apprmsai, and UhltzMum
Witnessing farmly violence 2nd edn (LoBiondo-Wood G and Haber J eds), C V Mosby, St Louis, pp 182-208 Omery A (1983) Phenomenology a method for nursmg research Advances in Nursing Saence 5,49-63 Owens DJ & Sh-auss M A (1975) The soaal shuchire of violence m childhood and approval of violence as an adult Agresstve Behavior 1,193-211 Parker B & Sdiumaciier D (1977) The battered wife syndrome and violence m the nuclear family of ongm a controlled pilot study Amencan Joumal of Public Healih 67, 760-761 Post R D , Willett A B, Franks R D & Back S M (1981) Childhood exposure to violence among victims and perpetrators of spouse battenng Vtchmology 6,156-166 Rosenbaiun A & O'Leary K D (1981) Children the unmtended vichms of mantal violence Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychtairy 51(4), 692-699 Rouse LP (1984) Mcxlels, self-esteem, and lcKus of control of factors contnbutmg to spouse abuse Vtchmology 9(1), 130-141 Roy M (1977) Baitered Women A Psychosoaologtcal Siudy of Domesitc Vtolence Van Nostrand Remhold, New York
Sandelowski M (1986) The problem of ngor m qualitative research Advances tn Nursing Saence 8,27-37 UlbnchtP &HuberJ (1981) Observmg parental violence distnbuhon and effects Joumal of Mamage and ihe Family 38, August, 623-631 Wallerstem J & Corbm S (1989) Daughters of divorce report from a ten year follow-up Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiairy 59(4), 593-604 Wallerstem J A & Kelly J B (1980) Survivtng ihe Breakup How Chtldren and Parenis Cope with Divorce Basic Books, New York. Walker L (1979) The Baiiered Woman Harper and Row, New York WestraB & Martin H P (1981) Children of battered women the relation of child behavior to fanuly violence and maternal stress Joumal of Consulhng Clmtcal Psychology 53,657-664 Zaslow M J (1988) Sex differences m children's response to parental divorce research methodology and post ciivorce fanuly forms Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiairy 58(3), 355—378 Zaslow M J (1989) Sex differences in children's response to parental divorce samples, vanables, ages and sources Amencan Joumal of Orthopsychtahy 59(1), 118-141
1209
Witnessing family violence: the children's experience Janet R EncksenMARN Senior Instructor
and Angela D Henderson MSN RN Assistant Professor, Umverstty of Bnttsh Columbia, School of Nursing, Vancouver, Bnttsh Columbia, Canada
Accepted for pubiicahon 2 March 1992
ERICKSEN J R & HENDERSON A D (1992) joumal of Advanced Nurstng 17, I200-I209 Witnessing family violence: the children's experience A phenomenological study was conducted m order to descnbe the expenence of children as they accompany their mothers who are leavmg abusive relationships Thirteen children were interviewed The children descnbe their expenence as having three components hvmg with violence, hvmg m transition and hvmg with Mom Themes withm these components are identified, and implications for nursing practice are discussed WIFE ABUSE
the part of the woman As tension builds, the man becomes
Wife abuse is endemic m North Amencan soaety A
mo™ oppressive and the woman feels helpless Phase two
conservahve eshmate is that one m 10 women m Canada IS battered every year (MacLeod 1987) Most of these women have children Recent stahstics show, for example, that 70% of the women who use the services of transihon houses are accompamed by duldren, the majonty of whom are under 10 years of age (MacLeod 1987)
^ ^ ^ '^*'^" ^^ ^'*^-"P *^"*^°" ^^P*^ '"*° violence "^^ultmg m the woman either commithng suiade or being ^ " ^ °"^ ^^^'^ ^^^ * ^ ^ *^ charactenzed by the man's th nonnal and acceptable.
Wtinesstng family violence
they are also unaware of altemahve means of expressmg their angry feeling mid handlmg conflict 5-year-old
researcher 5-year-old researcher 5-year-old
[about fighhng with her sister] Oh yeaK she hits me, she kicks me And I get mad and I do it bade What does your Mom say? Has she ever seen you guys hithng each other? Yeah, she doesn't like it All of a sudden it starts all over agsun Is there any other way that you can get nd of your anger besides hitting or arguing? I don't know
It IS already well documented that violence m the family of ongm IS a factor in adult abuse In order to break this cyde, children from abusive families need to be helped to leam that (a) hittmg is not alnght, (b) not all families are physically abusive, and (c) there are non-violent methods for resolvmg conflict Not surpnsingly, the mothers of these children, too, need help to unlearn violence In talking with the mothers of the same children m this study it was found that, while the mothers are generally aware of the children's acceptance of violence, disapprove of it and want it to change, they are unaware of ways to improve the situation
Sadness A second fmdmg of mterest concems the sense of sadness which permeates the children's expenence, these are not happy children The children are able to descnbe this sadness, and most attnbute it to the loss of their fathers (Tm sad because I miss my Dad so much') This finding is smular to that found m the literature on children of divorce, wherem the children's immediate reaction to the divorce (or the separation) may include gnef over the loss of their intact family, concem and guilt regarding their own role in the dissolution of the family, and concem for their future and their relationships with their parents (Wallerstem & Kelly 1980) As such, gnef work with these children may be appropnate The sadness descnbed by the children may also appropnately be seen m the context of a psychological reachon to the many shesses which they expenence Among the shesses common to these children are family dissoluhon, several changes m living accommodahons, changes of schools, changes of fnends and change m socio-econonuc status As such, the children may benefit from help m the form of bemg provided with an opportunity to express their feeimgs, to receive danfication and assurances, and to
discover the possible posihve aspects of the changes that have taken place (Chess & Hassibi 1986) The sadness of these particular children from violent homes is complicated by their perception that they carmot talk to their mothers about their sadness because it would upset their mothers This is vahdated by the mothers who descnbe themselves as bemg too overwhelmed, hred and stressed themselves to meet their children's psychological needs, despite their awareness of these needs (Henderson 1990) Clearly mtervenhons aimed at meetmg the mothers' needs must occur before or simultaneously with mterventions directed at the children
Coping behaviours Thirdly, several of the behaviours which children who have witnessed violence use to cope with their expenence are of concem The seekmg of sohtude, use of fantasy, avoidance and disengagement seen m many of these children have potential consequences for their future development and mental health It may be that these behaviours are a reflection of the children's sense of powerlessness to affect their situation, rather than seeking extemal help, they tum mwcird Studies have found that children whose mothers were battered perceive themselves to have sigmficantly less conhol over their hves than children from non-violent homes (Moore et al 1990) Consequently, mterventions to empower these children by helping them to feel more in control would benefit them enormously
IMPLICATIONS FOR NURSING PRACTICE Because of their focus on the wholeness of expenence and their teaching and communication skills, nurses can play a major role in helping these child witnesses to family violence Nurses working m community settmgs, particularly nurses who work in schools emd commumty cenhes, have a major role to play simply by case finding Nurses should be alert to children who may be from violent homes — identifying them and offenng support This research has found that children from violent homes often feel ignored and feel that they have no one to talk to, yet these same children will readily talk about their expenence when given the opportunity to do so Through achve listenmg, nurses can provide this much-needed support Nurses can also estabbsh and faahtate support groups for these children The goals of such groups should lndude the following to share common expenence thereby lessenmg feelmgs of isolation, to discuss emohonal readions m order to achieve a more accurate cognihve perception of 1207
J EncksenandA Henderson
the expenenee, to share and kam more rffective methods of coping, and to leam more effechve conflict resoluhon strategies Similarly, mirses can offer parenting support groups for mothers who have been battered m orckr to help the mothers eope with their own stressors, to teach them more rffective conflict resoluhon strategies, and to assist them to talk with and help their children more effeetively With goals parallelmg the children's groups, such groups would offer a means of lessenmg the soaal lsolahon of these women, of decreasmg stress and of mcreasmg the mothers' sense of eompetenee and control as parents
CONCLUSIONS Thefindingsof this study suggest that most ehildren who have witnessed the abuse of their mothers are able to dbscuss their expenenees, indeed, many are eager to and appear relieved at having the opportumty to cio so Not only are the children able to descnbe what they have witnessed, they are also able to descnbe their feelmgs about having witnessed these events However, while these children are able to diseuss their expenenee, m most eases they feel they have no one with whom to discuss it Most of these duldren eope with their expenenee as best as they ean by themselves, using toys, solitude and sometimes eseape While a few of the ehildren find eomfort m having a fnend to talk to, preferably someone who is having similar expenenees, the ehildren are divided m their opimons of the actual or potential helpfulness of their peers Addihonally, the proteehveness these ehildren feel toward their mothers eoupled with the perceived emotional unavailability of the mothers prevent the childrenfromdiscussing their eoneems with them Nurses need to hsten to what duld witnesses to violenee are saymg and develop programmes whieh meet their needs The fear, uneertamty and sadness whieh these ehildren desenbe, together with the powerlessness whieh they feel and their acceptance of violence as an appropnate response to conflict, have sigmficant lmpbcations for their eurrent and future mental health These ehilciren need to be given tools that they ean use to eope more effeetively with their expenenee There is too mueh at stake to do otherwise
Acknowledgement This study was supported by a grant from the Bnhsh Columbia Health Care Research Fund #134(87-1) 1208
References Armstrong D A (1986) Shelter based parentmg programs a skill building process Children Today 15(2), 16-20 Bemheuner L P (1986) The use of quabtative methodology in child health research Chtldren's Healih Care 14(4), 224-232 Chess S & Hassibi M (1986) Pnnaples and Prachce of Chtld Psychtairy 2nd edn Plenum Press, New York Emery RE (1982) Interparental conflict and the children of discord and divorce Psychological Bulleim 92(2), 310-330 Giorgi A (1987) Phenomenology and Psychological Research Duquesne University Press, Pittsburg, Pennsylvania Henderson A D (1990) Children of abused wives their influence on their mothers' deasion Canada's Menial Healih 38(2/3), 10-13 Hethenngton E M , Cox M & Cox R (1979) Play and social interaction in children following divorce Journal of Soaal Issues 35,26-49 Hilberman E & Munson K (19878) Sixty battered women Vichmology 2, 460-470 Hughes H M (1982) Bnef mtervenhons with children in a battered women's shelter a model preventive program Famtly Relahons 3 1 , 495-501 Hughes H M (1986) Research with children m shelters lmphcahons for clinical services Chtldren Today 15(2), 21-25 Hughes H M & Barad SJ (1983) Psychological functioning of children in a battered women's shelter a prebminary mveshgahon Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiahy 53(3), 525-531 Jaffe P , Wilson S & Wolfe D A (1986) Promotmg changes m athtudes and understanding of conflict resolution among child vichms and witnesses to faimly violence Canadian Joumal of Behavioural Sctence 18(4), 356-366 Jones LP (1988) A typology of adolescent runaways Chtld and Adolescent Social Worfc 5(1), 16-29 Keronac S, Taggert M E , Lescop J & Fortm M F (1986) Dimensions of health m violent families Healih Care for Women Iniemaitonal 7(6), 413-426 Levine M (1975) Interparental violence and its effects on the children a study of 50 families in general practice Medtcal Saence and Law 15,172-176 LedmghamJ & Crombie G (1988) Promohng the mental health of children and youth a enheal review of reeent literature Canada's Menial Healih 36(1), 9-14 Limandn B J (1987) The therapeuhc relationship with abused women Joumal ofP^chosoaal Nursing 25(2), 9-16 MacEwenKE & Barling J (1988) Multiple stressors, violence m the family of ongm, and mantal aggression a longitudinal mveshgahon Joumal of Famtly Violence 3(1), 73-87 MacLeod L (1987) Baiiered But Noi Beaien Prevenhng Wife Abuse in Canada Canadian Advisory Counal on the Status of Women, Ottawa Moore T E, Pepler D , Wemberg B, Hanimond L, Waddell J & Weiser L (1990) Researcii on children from violent families Canada's Menial Hetdih 38(2/3), 19-23 Oiler-Boyd C (19W) Qualitative approaches to researeh In Research Methods, Cntical Apprmsai, and UhltzMum
Witnessing farmly violence 2nd edn (LoBiondo-Wood G and Haber J eds), C V Mosby, St Louis, pp 182-208 Omery A (1983) Phenomenology a method for nursmg research Advances in Nursing Saence 5,49-63 Owens DJ & Sh-auss M A (1975) The soaal shuchire of violence m childhood and approval of violence as an adult Agresstve Behavior 1,193-211 Parker B & Sdiumaciier D (1977) The battered wife syndrome and violence m the nuclear family of ongm a controlled pilot study Amencan Joumal of Public Healih 67, 760-761 Post R D , Willett A B, Franks R D & Back S M (1981) Childhood exposure to violence among victims and perpetrators of spouse battenng Vtchmology 6,156-166 Rosenbaiun A & O'Leary K D (1981) Children the unmtended vichms of mantal violence Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychtairy 51(4), 692-699 Rouse LP (1984) Mcxlels, self-esteem, and lcKus of control of factors contnbutmg to spouse abuse Vtchmology 9(1), 130-141 Roy M (1977) Baitered Women A Psychosoaologtcal Siudy of Domesitc Vtolence Van Nostrand Remhold, New York
Sandelowski M (1986) The problem of ngor m qualitative research Advances tn Nursing Saence 8,27-37 UlbnchtP &HuberJ (1981) Observmg parental violence distnbuhon and effects Joumal of Mamage and ihe Family 38, August, 623-631 Wallerstem J & Corbm S (1989) Daughters of divorce report from a ten year follow-up Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiairy 59(4), 593-604 Wallerstem J A & Kelly J B (1980) Survivtng ihe Breakup How Chtldren and Parenis Cope with Divorce Basic Books, New York. Walker L (1979) The Baiiered Woman Harper and Row, New York WestraB & Martin H P (1981) Children of battered women the relation of child behavior to fanuly violence and maternal stress Joumal of Consulhng Clmtcal Psychology 53,657-664 Zaslow M J (1988) Sex differences m children's response to parental divorce research methodology and post ciivorce fanuly forms Amencan Joumal of Orihopsychiairy 58(3), 355—378 Zaslow M J (1989) Sex differences in children's response to parental divorce samples, vanables, ages and sources Amencan Joumal of Orthopsychtahy 59(1), 118-141
1209
