Families, Systems, & Health 2014, Vol. 32, No. 1, 14 –15
© 2014 American Psychological Association 1091-7527/14/$12.00 DOI: 10.1037/fsh0000023
COMMENTARY
Righting Wrongs and Reforming Rights Laurie C. Ivey, PsyD
This document is copyrighted by the American Psychological Association or one of its allied publishers. This article is intended solely for the personal use of the individual user and is not to be disseminated broadly.
Swedish Family Medicine Residency, Littleton, Colorado, and The Colorado Health Foundation, Denver, Colorado
“Lesbian” is a word that makes me shudder. Being called “a lesbian” invalidates my identity. I am lesbian, a psychologist, mother, partner, and teacher. It is a powerful and important distinction. I have to deny the fact that some people hate me and think I am bad. Otherwise, I cannot move forward. I work hard to manage my internalized homophobia and to have no “selfhatred.” It emerges in new situations, like seeing a new doctor or welcoming a new coworker or student. I wonder if they will disapprove. “I will pay anything to fix you,” my mother said to me when I came out to her after moving 1,487 miles away from her house. One would have thought I was revealing that I was a convicted criminal. We did not talk about “it” again for 9 years until I invited her to our commitment ceremony. She had known Maria for 7 years. She said “no” and went into a second period of emotional withdrawal from me. My partner and I do not have equal civil rights in our state or country, although we pay equal taxes. Colorado has passed civil union legislation, which allows medical decision making, end-of-life care, and adoption to same-sex couples, but because it is not federal, it is legally and financially inadequate. We carry our powers of attorney and living wills with us if we go to the hospital so that we can prove our relationship. Without this evidence, we could be excluded from each other’s care. Because our relationship is not recognized as equal, it is veiled with invisibility. A graduate
school friend did not invite Maria to her wedding because we were not “married.” We are guilty of dismissing our own anniversary and we render it as “no big deal.” There are no Hallmark cards for us. Over time, these forces create psychological erosion. We wanted children but questioned the fairness, as they would face discrimination because of us. We set up extra legal and financial protection for our family because we cannot be married. Otherwise, because I carried the children, Maria would have been unprotected. Because of a loophole in the Colorado law, we were able to hire attorneys to get both of us on our sons’ birth certificates. Like refugees, we carry them when we travel or have a medical emergency. A family trust protects my assets in case of my death, as they would not automatically pass to Maria and would be taxed. Children are healers. When I told my mother that I was pregnant, she again forgot I was gay. This time her memory loss worked in our favor. Her need to protest seemed to dissipate. I am thankful that change happens. Going to the doctor is another reminder of invisibility. My relationship status often does not exist on the forms. I am not “single,” but it is typically the best choice. I appreciate forms that say “relationship status” or “partnered.” I sigh with relief and think, “Maybe my doctor gets it.” I need to know my health risk factors. Lesbians have higher rates of cervical, lung, breast, endometrial, and ovarian cancer; obesity; smoking; heart disease; depression; and anxiety. Lesbians are still at risk for sexually transmitted infections. Please educate me. All health professionals can help increase visibility by increasing their own awareness about the medical and psychosocial issues faced by their LGBT patients and by preparing their medical homes to welcome LGBT patients. Us-
Laurie C. Ivey, PsyD, Swedish Family Medicine Residency, Littleton, Colorado, and The Colorado Health Foundation, Denver, Colorado. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Laurie C. Ivey, Swedish Family Medicine, 191 E. Orchard Rd., Suite 200, Littleton, CO 80121. E-mail: laurie [email protected] 14
This document is copyrighted by the American Psychological Association or one of its allied publishers. This article is intended solely for the personal use of the individual user and is not to be disseminated broadly.
RIGHTING WRONGS AND REFORMING RIGHTS
ing inclusive and open language about sexuality and relationship status is powerful. Lesbianism is not visible. It is not displayed on my skin. Unlike a person of color, I can hide from potential prejudice. My patients have no idea that I am lesbian. This means that those who need to connect with me do not know it is safe. Those who might be homophobic might think I am, too, and spew hate. In our society, it is no longer acceptable to be racist, but it is still okay to be homophobic. The many campaigns against gay marriage and ef-
15
forts in the legislature to prevent change toward equal civil rights and protections are prime examples. In our current political climate, two things are very clear: (a) homophobia is freely tolerated, and (b) the times are changing as we inch closer to equal rights every day. We are “righting wrongs and reforming rights.” I am thankful that change happens. Received November 15, 2013 Revision received December 18, 2013 Accepted December 23, 2013 䡲
© 2014 American Psychological Association 1091-7527/14/$12.00 DOI: 10.1037/fsh0000023
COMMENTARY
Righting Wrongs and Reforming Rights Laurie C. Ivey, PsyD
This document is copyrighted by the American Psychological Association or one of its allied publishers. This article is intended solely for the personal use of the individual user and is not to be disseminated broadly.
Swedish Family Medicine Residency, Littleton, Colorado, and The Colorado Health Foundation, Denver, Colorado
“Lesbian” is a word that makes me shudder. Being called “a lesbian” invalidates my identity. I am lesbian, a psychologist, mother, partner, and teacher. It is a powerful and important distinction. I have to deny the fact that some people hate me and think I am bad. Otherwise, I cannot move forward. I work hard to manage my internalized homophobia and to have no “selfhatred.” It emerges in new situations, like seeing a new doctor or welcoming a new coworker or student. I wonder if they will disapprove. “I will pay anything to fix you,” my mother said to me when I came out to her after moving 1,487 miles away from her house. One would have thought I was revealing that I was a convicted criminal. We did not talk about “it” again for 9 years until I invited her to our commitment ceremony. She had known Maria for 7 years. She said “no” and went into a second period of emotional withdrawal from me. My partner and I do not have equal civil rights in our state or country, although we pay equal taxes. Colorado has passed civil union legislation, which allows medical decision making, end-of-life care, and adoption to same-sex couples, but because it is not federal, it is legally and financially inadequate. We carry our powers of attorney and living wills with us if we go to the hospital so that we can prove our relationship. Without this evidence, we could be excluded from each other’s care. Because our relationship is not recognized as equal, it is veiled with invisibility. A graduate
school friend did not invite Maria to her wedding because we were not “married.” We are guilty of dismissing our own anniversary and we render it as “no big deal.” There are no Hallmark cards for us. Over time, these forces create psychological erosion. We wanted children but questioned the fairness, as they would face discrimination because of us. We set up extra legal and financial protection for our family because we cannot be married. Otherwise, because I carried the children, Maria would have been unprotected. Because of a loophole in the Colorado law, we were able to hire attorneys to get both of us on our sons’ birth certificates. Like refugees, we carry them when we travel or have a medical emergency. A family trust protects my assets in case of my death, as they would not automatically pass to Maria and would be taxed. Children are healers. When I told my mother that I was pregnant, she again forgot I was gay. This time her memory loss worked in our favor. Her need to protest seemed to dissipate. I am thankful that change happens. Going to the doctor is another reminder of invisibility. My relationship status often does not exist on the forms. I am not “single,” but it is typically the best choice. I appreciate forms that say “relationship status” or “partnered.” I sigh with relief and think, “Maybe my doctor gets it.” I need to know my health risk factors. Lesbians have higher rates of cervical, lung, breast, endometrial, and ovarian cancer; obesity; smoking; heart disease; depression; and anxiety. Lesbians are still at risk for sexually transmitted infections. Please educate me. All health professionals can help increase visibility by increasing their own awareness about the medical and psychosocial issues faced by their LGBT patients and by preparing their medical homes to welcome LGBT patients. Us-
Laurie C. Ivey, PsyD, Swedish Family Medicine Residency, Littleton, Colorado, and The Colorado Health Foundation, Denver, Colorado. Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Laurie C. Ivey, Swedish Family Medicine, 191 E. Orchard Rd., Suite 200, Littleton, CO 80121. E-mail: laurie [email protected] 14
This document is copyrighted by the American Psychological Association or one of its allied publishers. This article is intended solely for the personal use of the individual user and is not to be disseminated broadly.
RIGHTING WRONGS AND REFORMING RIGHTS
ing inclusive and open language about sexuality and relationship status is powerful. Lesbianism is not visible. It is not displayed on my skin. Unlike a person of color, I can hide from potential prejudice. My patients have no idea that I am lesbian. This means that those who need to connect with me do not know it is safe. Those who might be homophobic might think I am, too, and spew hate. In our society, it is no longer acceptable to be racist, but it is still okay to be homophobic. The many campaigns against gay marriage and ef-
15
forts in the legislature to prevent change toward equal civil rights and protections are prime examples. In our current political climate, two things are very clear: (a) homophobia is freely tolerated, and (b) the times are changing as we inch closer to equal rights every day. We are “righting wrongs and reforming rights.” I am thankful that change happens. Received November 15, 2013 Revision received December 18, 2013 Accepted December 23, 2013 䡲
