Journal of Adolescence 1991, 14, 179-194
Relations between young adults and their parents JUDI BEINSTEIN
MILLER
AND MARY LANE
Young adults’ relationships with mothers and fathers are compared in a survey of undergraduates. Both men and women report spending more time with mothers than fathers. They indicate receiving more positive treatment from mothers and experiencing more positive emotion and closeness with them than fathers. Correlations between perceptions of treatment and experience of emotion are moderately strong, as are those between treatment/emotion and intentions to model parents. Young adults express greater certainty in using mothers than fathers as models in childrearing, which is associated with experiencing more positive treatment and emotion with them. Since they report no more negative treatment from fathers than from mothers, their closer connections with mothers are probably due to a more positive dynamic with mothers rather than a nega-
tive dynamic with fathers. These results are consistent with previous findings that individuation and well-being in adolescence are facilitated by close, positive relationships with parents rather than distancing ones.
INTRODUCTION Late when
adolescence young
thoughts
is a time of future
people
begin
about having
to think
families
planning seriously
and major about
of their own. Many
decision-making
careers
and entertain
will leave home, some
for the first time. Factors that affect their plans, choices, and selfsufficiency will consequently have an indirect impact on the rest of their lives. Among the more important of these factors are relationships with their parents and experiences of support, guidance, and well-being. These provide a context of connectedness within which they can continue to develop autonomy as young adults (Campbell, Adams and Dobson, 1984; Grotevant and Cooper, 1986). Yet despite the theoretical impact of these relationships, and despite the common use of undergraduates in social science research, relatively little attention has been paid to the relations between young adults and their parents. Emphasis has been instead on the Reprint requests should be addressed College, Oberlin, Ohio 44074, U.S.A. 014C-1971/91/020179
+ 16 $03.00/O
to Department 01991
The
of Psychology
Association
Severance
for the Psychmtric
Study
Lab, Oberlin of Adolescents
180
J. B. MILLER
AND
M. LANE
early to middle stages of adolescence and the influence of puberty on family relations (Steinberg, 1987). The purpose of this study was three-fold: to compare young adults perceptions of mothers’ and fathers’ treatment of them; to examine the relationship between treatment and emotional experience; and to estimate the contributions of treatment and emotional experience to their plans for parenting. According to previous research, a major task for families during early and middle adolescence is redefinition of parent-child relationships in order to increase symmetry of control (e.g. Grotevant and Cooper, 1986; Hill and Holmbeck, 1986; Montemayor, 1983). This entails an ongoing process of negotiation, in which adolescents increasingly assert their points of view and parents respond less favourably than previously (e.g. Papini, Datan and McCluskey-Fawcett, 1988). One result is arguments over such mundane matters as curfews and household chores. These squabbles appear to peak during puberty and diminish thereafter, as mothers relinquish control and fathers, due to dissatisfaction with adolescent behavior, exert more control than previously (e.g. Papini and Sebby, 1987; Steinberg, 1987). Parents and adolescents do not typically construe their relationship as conflictual however. Research evidence suggests that adolescents achieve autonomy by asserting themselves in a context of close and supportive relations with parents rather than by distancing themselves from them (Hill and Holmbeck, 1986). Parents continue to have strong, positive influence on adolescents’ opinions and values and to aid their ego development through such enabling behaviors as problem-solving, explanation, and acceptance (Hauser et al., 1984). Adolescents’ sense of well-being is associated more strongly with the quality of parental than of peer relationships (Greenberg, Siegal and Leitch, 1983). Continuity in late adolescence would be demonstrated by positive associations between indicators of well-being and good relations with parents, including the experience of affection and symmetry in control. Limited research results support such continuity (Campbell et al., 1984; Kenny, 1987; Quintana and Lapsley, 1987) and also a tendency for young adults to remain more involved with their mothers than fathers. Adolescents report greater asymmetry in relations with fathers than mothers and more conversation and intimate disclosure with mothers than with fathers (LeCroy, 1988; Noller and Bagi, 1985; Youniss and Smollar, 1985). By college, they rate their mothers as friendlier and more egalitarian than their fathers (Pipp et al., 1985). In fact, evidence for differences in communication to mothers and fathers appears to be more impressive than evidence for differences in communication from sons and daughters (Steinberg, 1987). We expected to find a continuation of these
YOUNG
ADULTS
AND THEIR
PARENTS
181
patterns in young adulthood, with closer attachments expressed for mothers than fathers, due to greater personal involvement with the former than latter (Montemayor, 1986). Specifically, we expected young adults to spend more time with mothers than fathers, to receive positive treatment from them more often, and, as a result, to experience more positive emotion with them in interaction. More generally, we expected positive treatment by parents to lead to positive feelings and negative treatment to negative ones. Based on social learning principles we predicted that reports of positive treatment and emotional experience would be associated with intentions to use parents as models for parenting behavior, due to the rewarding nature of this experience. We expected young adults would want to provide the joys and avoid the sorrows of their own experience for their children, Thus they would model parental behavior that they had found personally rewarding. We conducted an exploratory study of college students to discover the common joys and sorrows that they experienced with parents (Miller and Lane, 1989). We asked one group to write about a recent extremely positive experience with a parent and another to write about a recent extremely negative experience. Seventy-two students, mostly in the first or second year, participated. They wrote about a wide range of issues, including disagreements over tuition payments, pleasant days spent shopping together, good conversations, and unjust criticisms. We coded the accounts for sex of parent, total number of positive and negative statements, emotional outcomes (e.g. happiness, guilt, or anger), and precipitating event (e.g. shared activities and resources, such as conversations, meals, and outings or separate actions of adolescent or parent, such as demands, promises, or performances). The coding of the event was based on past findings that conflict in families generally originates in mundane issues of daily life, such as household chores or spending money, rather than in large scale conflicts over issues such as sexual behavior or drugs (Montemayor, 1983). Results from this exploratory study indicated a greater emphasis on shared activities (e.g. conversations) in reports of encounters with mothers and a greater emphasis on the parent’s separate actions (e.g. promises) in reports of encounters with fathers. In 7.5 per cent of encounters involving fathers, for example, his separate actions were emphasized, whereas in only 44 per cent of encounters with mothers were her separate actions emphasized. Since positive encounters were associated with shared activities and negative encounters with a parent’s separate actions, descriptions of encounters with mothers turned out to be more positive than those involving fathers. Relationships with mothers appeared to be more mutual and positive, relationships with fathers more distancing and negative. There were no statistically reliable differences based on the sex of the student.
182
J. B. MILLER
AND
M. LANE
Results from the pilot study suggested significant differences in college students’ perceptions of relationships with parents, but did not permit systematic comparison of encounters with mothers and fathers. Participants had been asked to describe either a positive or negative encounter, which could have been about either a mother or father. Results were therefore based on between students comparisons, rather than within student comparisons. Moreover, since participants wrote about whatever event was salient, their accounts were not directly comparable. A follow-up study was designed in which college students responded to a series of closeended questions about their relationships with mothers and fathers, that were based on results from the exploratory study. Students were asked to make direct comparisons of their relations with mothers and fathers. They were also asked a series of questions about positive and negative experiences with each parent and about using each as a model for future parenting. Their responses were used to determine the relative quality of experience with mothers and fathers. We also tested the influence of perceived parental treatment on emotional experience and the influence of both treatment and emotional experience on intentions to use parents as models.
METHOD
Participants Participants were undergraduates from a selective midwestern liberal arts college. According to admissions records, most students (90 per cent) at the college typically come from out of state, half travelling over 500 miles and only seven per cent travelling 100 miles or less. Approximately 80 per cent are white, the remainder being of Afro-American, Hispanic, and Asian heritage. Most come from well-educated families with middle and upper-middle class occupations. Over 80 per cent of their fathers and close to 80 per cent of their mothers have college degrees. Sixty per cent of their fathers and 40 per cent of their mothers have graduate degrees also. Nearly 80 per cent of their fathers and 60 per cent of their mothers work in education, business/management, or professions such as medicine and law. Over half of the families earn $60,000 or more a year, whereas only 16 per cent earn less than $30,000. Nearly 25 per cent of the parents are divorced or separated. Participants were recruited from an introductory psychology course midway through the Fall semester. They received supplementary course credit for their participation. A total of 101 students (39 males and 62 Sixty-eight per cent were first year females) agreed to participate.
YOUNG ADULTS
AND THEIR PARENTS
183
students, 18 per cent were second-year, and seven per cent each were third and fourth-year. They completed the questionnaire outside of class and returned it during the following class period. Questionnaire
The questionnaire contained 52 items of four types, not including demographic information. The first required three direct comparisons of the mother and father. We asked whether the student spent more time with one or the other, felt closer to one or the other, and experienced greater equality with one or the other. Since these questions did not permit estimates of frequency we asked a second set about their separate relations with mother and father. These questions required them to estimate the frequency (on S-point Likert-type scales) of each parent’s positive behavior toward them (i.e. sharing conversation and activities, complimenting or praising them, expressing love for them, sharing confidences and providing support) and each parent’s negative behavior (i.e. criticizing them, failing to listen, betraying their trust, interfering negatively, and making unreasonable demands). They also estimated the frequency of experiencing positive emotions with each parent (i.e. happiness or joy, satisfaction, and feeling good) and negative emotions (i.e. guilt, anger, fear, frustration, sadness, and disgust). Additionally they reported, again with S-point scales, how frequently they had communicated with each parent since coming to college that Fall and how many weeks they had spent living or visiting with each parent since the previous June. Finally we asked them how much they would enjoy having and raising children of their own and the extent to which they would follow their mother’s and father’s example in parenting (1 = not at all, to 5 = very much or completely). Pre-test
questionnaire
Six weeks prior to questionnaire administration all participants had responded to a scale of parental relationship memories, as part of a screening test at the semester’s inception. The scale had been developed from interviews with 20 male and 20 female undergraduates in a retrospective study of relationships with parents while growing up (Miller, 1987) and had good internal consistency (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.88). It contained 15 items, five each about sharing self, conflict, and enjoyable times with to this scale had moderately strong correlations parents. Responses (average I = 0.44, p
Relations between young adults and their parents JUDI BEINSTEIN
MILLER
AND MARY LANE
Young adults’ relationships with mothers and fathers are compared in a survey of undergraduates. Both men and women report spending more time with mothers than fathers. They indicate receiving more positive treatment from mothers and experiencing more positive emotion and closeness with them than fathers. Correlations between perceptions of treatment and experience of emotion are moderately strong, as are those between treatment/emotion and intentions to model parents. Young adults express greater certainty in using mothers than fathers as models in childrearing, which is associated with experiencing more positive treatment and emotion with them. Since they report no more negative treatment from fathers than from mothers, their closer connections with mothers are probably due to a more positive dynamic with mothers rather than a nega-
tive dynamic with fathers. These results are consistent with previous findings that individuation and well-being in adolescence are facilitated by close, positive relationships with parents rather than distancing ones.
INTRODUCTION Late when
adolescence young
thoughts
is a time of future
people
begin
about having
to think
families
planning seriously
and major about
of their own. Many
decision-making
careers
and entertain
will leave home, some
for the first time. Factors that affect their plans, choices, and selfsufficiency will consequently have an indirect impact on the rest of their lives. Among the more important of these factors are relationships with their parents and experiences of support, guidance, and well-being. These provide a context of connectedness within which they can continue to develop autonomy as young adults (Campbell, Adams and Dobson, 1984; Grotevant and Cooper, 1986). Yet despite the theoretical impact of these relationships, and despite the common use of undergraduates in social science research, relatively little attention has been paid to the relations between young adults and their parents. Emphasis has been instead on the Reprint requests should be addressed College, Oberlin, Ohio 44074, U.S.A. 014C-1971/91/020179
+ 16 $03.00/O
to Department 01991
The
of Psychology
Association
Severance
for the Psychmtric
Study
Lab, Oberlin of Adolescents
180
J. B. MILLER
AND
M. LANE
early to middle stages of adolescence and the influence of puberty on family relations (Steinberg, 1987). The purpose of this study was three-fold: to compare young adults perceptions of mothers’ and fathers’ treatment of them; to examine the relationship between treatment and emotional experience; and to estimate the contributions of treatment and emotional experience to their plans for parenting. According to previous research, a major task for families during early and middle adolescence is redefinition of parent-child relationships in order to increase symmetry of control (e.g. Grotevant and Cooper, 1986; Hill and Holmbeck, 1986; Montemayor, 1983). This entails an ongoing process of negotiation, in which adolescents increasingly assert their points of view and parents respond less favourably than previously (e.g. Papini, Datan and McCluskey-Fawcett, 1988). One result is arguments over such mundane matters as curfews and household chores. These squabbles appear to peak during puberty and diminish thereafter, as mothers relinquish control and fathers, due to dissatisfaction with adolescent behavior, exert more control than previously (e.g. Papini and Sebby, 1987; Steinberg, 1987). Parents and adolescents do not typically construe their relationship as conflictual however. Research evidence suggests that adolescents achieve autonomy by asserting themselves in a context of close and supportive relations with parents rather than by distancing themselves from them (Hill and Holmbeck, 1986). Parents continue to have strong, positive influence on adolescents’ opinions and values and to aid their ego development through such enabling behaviors as problem-solving, explanation, and acceptance (Hauser et al., 1984). Adolescents’ sense of well-being is associated more strongly with the quality of parental than of peer relationships (Greenberg, Siegal and Leitch, 1983). Continuity in late adolescence would be demonstrated by positive associations between indicators of well-being and good relations with parents, including the experience of affection and symmetry in control. Limited research results support such continuity (Campbell et al., 1984; Kenny, 1987; Quintana and Lapsley, 1987) and also a tendency for young adults to remain more involved with their mothers than fathers. Adolescents report greater asymmetry in relations with fathers than mothers and more conversation and intimate disclosure with mothers than with fathers (LeCroy, 1988; Noller and Bagi, 1985; Youniss and Smollar, 1985). By college, they rate their mothers as friendlier and more egalitarian than their fathers (Pipp et al., 1985). In fact, evidence for differences in communication to mothers and fathers appears to be more impressive than evidence for differences in communication from sons and daughters (Steinberg, 1987). We expected to find a continuation of these
YOUNG
ADULTS
AND THEIR
PARENTS
181
patterns in young adulthood, with closer attachments expressed for mothers than fathers, due to greater personal involvement with the former than latter (Montemayor, 1986). Specifically, we expected young adults to spend more time with mothers than fathers, to receive positive treatment from them more often, and, as a result, to experience more positive emotion with them in interaction. More generally, we expected positive treatment by parents to lead to positive feelings and negative treatment to negative ones. Based on social learning principles we predicted that reports of positive treatment and emotional experience would be associated with intentions to use parents as models for parenting behavior, due to the rewarding nature of this experience. We expected young adults would want to provide the joys and avoid the sorrows of their own experience for their children, Thus they would model parental behavior that they had found personally rewarding. We conducted an exploratory study of college students to discover the common joys and sorrows that they experienced with parents (Miller and Lane, 1989). We asked one group to write about a recent extremely positive experience with a parent and another to write about a recent extremely negative experience. Seventy-two students, mostly in the first or second year, participated. They wrote about a wide range of issues, including disagreements over tuition payments, pleasant days spent shopping together, good conversations, and unjust criticisms. We coded the accounts for sex of parent, total number of positive and negative statements, emotional outcomes (e.g. happiness, guilt, or anger), and precipitating event (e.g. shared activities and resources, such as conversations, meals, and outings or separate actions of adolescent or parent, such as demands, promises, or performances). The coding of the event was based on past findings that conflict in families generally originates in mundane issues of daily life, such as household chores or spending money, rather than in large scale conflicts over issues such as sexual behavior or drugs (Montemayor, 1983). Results from this exploratory study indicated a greater emphasis on shared activities (e.g. conversations) in reports of encounters with mothers and a greater emphasis on the parent’s separate actions (e.g. promises) in reports of encounters with fathers. In 7.5 per cent of encounters involving fathers, for example, his separate actions were emphasized, whereas in only 44 per cent of encounters with mothers were her separate actions emphasized. Since positive encounters were associated with shared activities and negative encounters with a parent’s separate actions, descriptions of encounters with mothers turned out to be more positive than those involving fathers. Relationships with mothers appeared to be more mutual and positive, relationships with fathers more distancing and negative. There were no statistically reliable differences based on the sex of the student.
182
J. B. MILLER
AND
M. LANE
Results from the pilot study suggested significant differences in college students’ perceptions of relationships with parents, but did not permit systematic comparison of encounters with mothers and fathers. Participants had been asked to describe either a positive or negative encounter, which could have been about either a mother or father. Results were therefore based on between students comparisons, rather than within student comparisons. Moreover, since participants wrote about whatever event was salient, their accounts were not directly comparable. A follow-up study was designed in which college students responded to a series of closeended questions about their relationships with mothers and fathers, that were based on results from the exploratory study. Students were asked to make direct comparisons of their relations with mothers and fathers. They were also asked a series of questions about positive and negative experiences with each parent and about using each as a model for future parenting. Their responses were used to determine the relative quality of experience with mothers and fathers. We also tested the influence of perceived parental treatment on emotional experience and the influence of both treatment and emotional experience on intentions to use parents as models.
METHOD
Participants Participants were undergraduates from a selective midwestern liberal arts college. According to admissions records, most students (90 per cent) at the college typically come from out of state, half travelling over 500 miles and only seven per cent travelling 100 miles or less. Approximately 80 per cent are white, the remainder being of Afro-American, Hispanic, and Asian heritage. Most come from well-educated families with middle and upper-middle class occupations. Over 80 per cent of their fathers and close to 80 per cent of their mothers have college degrees. Sixty per cent of their fathers and 40 per cent of their mothers have graduate degrees also. Nearly 80 per cent of their fathers and 60 per cent of their mothers work in education, business/management, or professions such as medicine and law. Over half of the families earn $60,000 or more a year, whereas only 16 per cent earn less than $30,000. Nearly 25 per cent of the parents are divorced or separated. Participants were recruited from an introductory psychology course midway through the Fall semester. They received supplementary course credit for their participation. A total of 101 students (39 males and 62 Sixty-eight per cent were first year females) agreed to participate.
YOUNG ADULTS
AND THEIR PARENTS
183
students, 18 per cent were second-year, and seven per cent each were third and fourth-year. They completed the questionnaire outside of class and returned it during the following class period. Questionnaire
The questionnaire contained 52 items of four types, not including demographic information. The first required three direct comparisons of the mother and father. We asked whether the student spent more time with one or the other, felt closer to one or the other, and experienced greater equality with one or the other. Since these questions did not permit estimates of frequency we asked a second set about their separate relations with mother and father. These questions required them to estimate the frequency (on S-point Likert-type scales) of each parent’s positive behavior toward them (i.e. sharing conversation and activities, complimenting or praising them, expressing love for them, sharing confidences and providing support) and each parent’s negative behavior (i.e. criticizing them, failing to listen, betraying their trust, interfering negatively, and making unreasonable demands). They also estimated the frequency of experiencing positive emotions with each parent (i.e. happiness or joy, satisfaction, and feeling good) and negative emotions (i.e. guilt, anger, fear, frustration, sadness, and disgust). Additionally they reported, again with S-point scales, how frequently they had communicated with each parent since coming to college that Fall and how many weeks they had spent living or visiting with each parent since the previous June. Finally we asked them how much they would enjoy having and raising children of their own and the extent to which they would follow their mother’s and father’s example in parenting (1 = not at all, to 5 = very much or completely). Pre-test
questionnaire
Six weeks prior to questionnaire administration all participants had responded to a scale of parental relationship memories, as part of a screening test at the semester’s inception. The scale had been developed from interviews with 20 male and 20 female undergraduates in a retrospective study of relationships with parents while growing up (Miller, 1987) and had good internal consistency (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.88). It contained 15 items, five each about sharing self, conflict, and enjoyable times with to this scale had moderately strong correlations parents. Responses (average I = 0.44, p
