Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 5, No. 2, 1976
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples Hans Hessellund, Cand. Psych. 1
This article reports some aspects o f sociosexual behavior, as a small part o f an intensive study o f 38 married couples. The persons' experiences and formulations are the primary material in an effort to humanize sexological research. This article reflects the Danish psychological-psychiatric tradition with emphasis on personal interviews instead o f questionnaires, inventories, or tests. The analyses are based on differences between husband and wife and between men and women as groups. A number o f qualitative thematic differences in personal experience with respect to masturbation and sexual fantasies are reported. Attention is drawn to thematic differences in the psychological significance o f these aspects o f sexuality which are, in part, dependent on the sex o f the subject. KEY WORDS: masturbation; marriage; intercourse; sex differences; fantasy.
INTRODUCTION
Masturbation or autosexuality as a way of obtaining sexual release has been and still is widespread. As a sexual practice it has a long history of general condemnation (Kinsey et al., 1948, 1953; Dearborn, 1967). Masturbation is not an exclusively human activity but occurs regularly among other mammalian species, even with willing partners available (Ford and Beach, 1951). In a crosscultural and a cross-species perspective, autosexuality is more common among males than females. These facts considered, masturbation should be conceptualized as a normal or natural pattern of behavior, originating in built-in biological mammalian systems. Although masturbation is universal in occurrence, attitudes toward it are extremely varied (Ford and Beach, 1951). However, the main effect of masturbatory taboos seems to be masturbation in secret rather than a reduction in ocThis research was supported by Grants 512-786, 512-1060, and 512-2901 from the Danish Medical Research Council. 1Associate Professor, University of Aalborg, Denmark. 133 © 1976 Plenum Publishing C o r p o r a t i o n , 227 West 17th Street, New York~ N . Y . 10011. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or t r a n s m i t t e d , in any f o r m or b y any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.
134
Hessellund
currence. Viewed more generally, there has been a progressive liberalization in the attitudes toward masturbation, especially among the more affluent classes. Masturbatory techniques are, for instance, now used in the treatment of psychosexual problems such as impotence and frigidity (Masters and Johnson, 1970; LoPiccolo and Lobitz, 1972). Another aspect of the more permissive attitude toward masturbation finds expression in sex education texts for young people, especially in Scandinavia. While formerly much energy was invested in the prevention of masturbation in the young (Platen, 1914), autosexuality is currently considered not only a harmless but even a useful way of obtaining sexual release. It is recommended for young people who have no current sexual partner. Although masturbation is in theory considered to be without harmful effects, less is known about some psychological aspects, for instance, the significance of masturbation for male and female self-esteem. Abramson (1973) found that masturbation was a greater psychological threat for males than for females, and further that there was no connection between frequency of masturbation and intercourse. Greenberg and Archambault (1973) found that guilt feelings connected with masturbation occurred in 40% of men and 48% of women in a sample of university students. In agreement with the Kinsey findings, our data show that males masturbate more than the females and that the unmarried masturbate more than the married. While there was a significant difference (p < 0.05) in intercourse frequency among married and unmarried subjects, there were no significant differences in frequency of masturbation between married and unmarried subjects. If masturbation is considered a substitute for intercourse, one would expect that the frequency of masturbation would be greater among unmarried subjects than among subjects with daily sexual access to a partner. This hypothesis was not borne out. Greenberg and Archambault (1973) did not find significant differences between frequellcies of masturbation and intercourse.
MASTURBATION Sample A small part of an intensive study on the sexual behavior, attitudes, and knowledge in 38 married couples with children is reported. The sample was drawn from the general population, through the public files, with the following criteria: the age of the husband was between 34 and 39 years, and each couple had at least one child. The couples had been married between 1 and 19 years, with a mean of 10.7 years. The majority of the subjects were content with their marriage, loved their spouse, and had never seriously regretted the union. The mean age of the husbands was about 37 years and of the wives was 34 years. The mean number of
135
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples Table I. Masturbation Frequency per Month a Wife Number of
Husband
22-30
22-30
14-18
6-10
4-5
2-3
Never 1
1
2.6
2
2
5
13.2
2
2
1
6
t5.8
1
1
2.6
" -..
1
5
7
18.4
~" --.
2
3
7.9 39.5
""
14-18
"" -..
6-10
1 1- ..
4-5
" -..
2-3
1
Seldom
1
Never
1
Number of wives
1
0
3
0
3
Percent
2.6
-
7.9
-
7.9
men
Percent
Seldom
2
" 12..
15
7
24
38
18.4
63.2
100.0
a×2= 12.28, df = 6, p < 0.10. c h i l d r e n was 2.3. C o u p l e s o f all social classes were r e p r e s e n t e d , as well as u r b a n a n d p r o v i n c i a l locales. N o n e h a d c o n s u l t e d d o c t o r s , c l e r g y m e n , p s y c h o l o g i s t s , m a r r i a g e c o u n s e l o r s , or o t h e r p r o f e s s i o n a l p e o p l e w i t h p r o b l e m s o f a sexual or marital nature.
Occurrence and Frequency of Masturbation T a b l e I s h o w s t h e m a s t u r b a t i o n f r e q u e n c y o f h u s b a n d a n d wife. T h e t e r m seldom refers to o n c e or twice per year. F i f t e e n m e n (39.5%) a n d 2 4 w o m e n (63.2%) n e v e r m a s t u r b a t e . A m o n g 12 c o u p l e s (31.6%), b o t h p a r t n e r s i n d e p e n d e n t ly s t a t e d t h a t t h e y n e v e r m a s t u r b a t e . Twelve w o m e n have h u s b a n d s w h o m a s t u r b a t e f r o m " s e l d o m " t o daily. Where b o t h spouses m a s t u r b a t e , t h e h u s b a n d mast u r b a t e s m o r e f r e q u e n t l y t h a n his wife. Significant sex d i f f e r e n c e s exist ( T a b l e II). O f t h e 15 m e n w h o d o n o t mast u r b a t e , o n l y t h r e e state t h a t t h e y h a v e n e v e r d o n e so. A m o n g 2 4 w o m e n w h o
Table I1. Experience with Masturbationa Men Number Never masturbated Masturbated when young
3 3___55 38
as2 = 14.82, df = 1, p < 0.01.
Women Percent
Number
Percent
7.9 92.1
18 20
47.4 52.6
100.0
38
100.0
136
Hesmllund
do not masturbate, 18 state that they have never done so. The figures for experience with masturbation (males 92.1%, females 52.6%) correspond with the Kinsey figures for experience with masturbation (males 94%, females 58%). Subjects who no longer masturbate state that they did so when young and until married. I don't masturbate any longer. 1 did when young, but after getting to know girls I stopped. (male) I never masturbated after I got married. (male) I masturbated before I got married. (female)
Masturbation as Secret from Spouse Among 11 couples where b o t h husband and wife masturbate, only three husbands and wives k n o w o f this (Table III). Five husbands and wives stated that they do not think their spouse knows. Among those 11 couples where only the husband masturbates, five husbands feel certain that their wife knows, white among four couples where only the wife masturbates, only one wife states that her husband knows. The third part o f Table III shows whether, in those cases where the husband or wife knows about masturbation on the part o f the spouse, a problem exists. Only one husband who masturbates felt that it was a problem for his wife. This subject masturbates from three times a day to twice per week: "I told her in one o f those periods when she was not interested in intercourse. She got very unhappy, so it was lucky that I did. She has not complained about i t . " The wife stated that she masturbates "once in a while" and further that her husband knows about it, since he encouraged her masturbating: "He has even given me a vibrator." Table III. Spouse Knowledge of Masturbation Married couples, where both parties masturbate: Wife Husband
Yes
No
Yes No
3 2
1 5
Married couples, where only one masturbates: Men Women Yes 5 1 No 6 3 In cases where the spouse knows: Is it a problem for him/her? Men Women Yes 1 0 No 8 7
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
137
Table IV. Time and Place for Masturbation Men
Time of masturbation a Night Evening Evening/afternoon Morning Morning/noon/evening Middle of the day
Women
Number
Percent
Number Percent
6 7 1 4 3 2 23
26.1 30.4 4.4 17.4 13.0 8.7 100,0
2 6 2 0 3 1 14
14.3 42.9 14.3 21.3 7.1 99.9
12 2 9 23
52.2 8.7 39.1 100.0
11 3 0 14
78.6 21.4 100.0
Place of masturbation b Bed Bed/bathroom Bathroom
ax2= 4.79, df = 5. No significant differences. bx2= 7.13, df= 2, p < 0.05. W h e n it is possible to hide m a s t u r b a t i o n f r o m a p e r s o n as close as a husb a n d or wife t h i s is c o n n e c t e d w i t h t i m e a n d place for m a s t u r b a t o r y b e h a v i o r , as s h o w n in Table IV. More t h a n h a l f o f t h e h u s b a n d s a n d m o r e t h a n t h r e e - f o u r t h s o f t h e wives m a s t u r b a t e in b e d w h e n t h e spouse has fallen asleep. T h e m a i n d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n m e n a n d w o m e n here is t h a t a b o u t 4 0 % o f t h e m e n always m a s t u r b a t e in t h e b a t h r o o m , e i t h e r m o r n i n g or n i g h t w h e n t h e y p r e p a r e f o r going to w o r k o r b e d . T h o s e m e n m a s t u r b a t e as a m a t t e r o f r o u t i n e b e f o r e b r u s h i n g t h e i r t e e t h a n d w a s h i n g t h e i r h a n d s . N o n e o f t h e wives states t h a t t h i s o n l y t a k e s place in t h e b a t h r o o m , b u t t h a t it m i g h t h a p p e n . Couple 04 - Husband: I do it rather often. Every second day or so. At night in bed, when my wife is asleep. She never wakes up. Wife: Twice a week. In the evening, when my husband is away or in the afternoon. When I feel like it. Often in bed or in the bathroom. Couple 10 -- Husband: Normally twice a month, but it varies rather much. It depends on the total sexual activity and the emotional climate. But it is seldom now. I masturbated a lot when I prepared for my e x a m i n a t i o n s - b y God, I did it all day long. If I didn't eat or smoke, I masturbated -- and then I could go on studying. (The wife knows, but it has not caused any problem.) If it happens now it is especially when we are on bad terms. It happens in bad periods. It indicates that we are not getting along very well together. Wife: Twice a week. It is periodical, but normally every third day, even if we are together. It can be any time during the day and often in bed. (The husband knows about it, and it has not caused any problems.) Well, I tell him about it and say it is sad that it has to be like that. But it is as if he doesn't realize that I want to be with him more often. Couple 14--Husband: Twice a week. In the morning, before I milk the COWS.
138
Hessellund Wife: It is very seldom, at most a couple of times a year. Normally at the after-dinner nap, w h e n m y h u s b a n d is asleep. H u s b a n d 19: Twice a m o n t h . In the b a t h r o o m , before we go to sleep. (Wife does not know.) Wife 23: Twice a month. Mostly just before m y periods. I am most prurient, then. It is w h e n I feel like it and I ' m alone and a little sad. (Husband does not know.) Husband 24: Twice a week. Either in the morning or in the evening. It's a bloody mess, so in the end I go o u t in the b a t h r o o m . (Wife does n o t know.) Husband 3 3 : 4 - 5 times a m o n t h , w h e n m y wife has her periods. (The wife k n o w s about it, and it has n o t caused any problem.) Our relationship is so good that she also helps me sometimes.
Table V. Relation Between Masturbation and Intercourse Frequency per M o n t h Husbands: m a s t u r b a t i o n frequency Intercourse frequency
Masturbation frequency 22-30 14-16 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
22-30
14-18
~ ~ "~
"2
~ ---~
6-10
4-5
2-3
1 5 "3 -.
1 2 8
1
"~ ~4 1 4
~3-.. 1
1
4-5
2-3
2
3
Wives: m a s t u r b a t i o n frequency Intercourse frequency
Masturbation frequency
22-30
22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
14-18 "- --.
1 2
Intercourse frequency, m e n (per m o n t h )
1 ~" "-- -... 1 " 2 - - . ~. 1 1 2
1 8 4 1 1
1 5 14 0 3
1 6 15
Intercourse frequency, w o m e n (per m o n t h ) Never m a s t u r b a t e s Masturbates
Never m a s t u r b a t e s Masturbates 22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3
6-10
22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3
2 2 15 2 3
1 3 10 0 0
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
139
As indicated by some o f the above quotations, the reason why men, much more than women, masturbate in the b a t h r o o m might be to dispose of the ejaculate expediently - partly for hygienic/esthetic reasons and partly for preventing disclosing stains on bedclothes. Masturbation has, among other things, been described as a substitute for intercourse. Table V indicates the relation between the frequency of masturbation and intercourse. The masturbation frequency of both men and women is generally lower than the stated intercourse frequency. Six men and two women report the same frequency for the two types o f outlet, and six men and one woman state that their masturbation frequency exceeds their intercourse frequency. For these seven, their intercourse frequency is one or two times per week. Significantly more men than women masturbate (?(2 = 4.27, p < 0.05). Comparison of the frequency of masturbation for men and women who report an intercourse frequency o f six to ten times per m o n t h also shows a significant difference (?(2 = 16.18, d f = 5, p < 0.01). Moreover, the intercourse frequency o f men and women who never masturbate is significantly different (?(2 = 10.10, df = 4, p < 0.05). The conclusion o f these analyses is that the norm o f intercourse frequency in the marriage is defined by the woman and is generally one or two times per week. It can also be tentatively concluded that for men masturbation functions more as a supplement to the sexual life, while for women it is to a greater extent a substitute for intercourse. These conclusions are supported in Table VI, which shows that the women more than men were satisfied with intercourse frequency, and the women masturbate less. The women's wish for greater intercourse frequency does not give rise to a greater degree o f masturbation, although the number may be too small to permit conclusions. Regarding those who wish for a lower intercourse frequency, one woman reports daily masturbation, while the remaining six never masturbate. For the men, no significant difference can be shown with respect to masturbation frequency and satisfaction/dissatisfaction with intercourse frequency. Men Table VI. Masturbation Frequency in Relation to Satisfaction with Coitus Frequency per Month Masturbation frequency 22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
Men More 1 2 4 1 2 1 4
Women
Satisfied
More
Satisfied
3 2
1
2
5 2 11
2 3
3 5 15
Less
140
Hessellund Table VII. Attitude Toward Masturbationa Husbands Does not masturbate (any longer)
Masturbates Attitude Number 1,2 3 4 5 6,7
Wives
Percent
Number
Percent
Does not masturbate (any longer)
Masturbates Number
Percent
Number
Percent
9 5 1 2 6
39.1 21.7 4.3 8.7 26.1
5 5 1 1 3
33.3 33.3 6.7 6.7 20.0
3 2 1 3 5
21.4 14.3 7.1 21.4 35.7
7 4 7 2 4
29.2 16.7 29.2 8.3 16.7
23
99.9
15
100.0
14
99.9
24
100.1
Relation between husband's and wife's attitude to masturbation Wife Husband
1,2
3
4
5 2
1,2
--- , 4 .
3
3
3
2
"" -,.2
2
6,7 2
14
36.8
10
26.3
2
5.3
1
5
2
6,7
1
1
2
2~
10
6
8
5
9
15.8
21.1
13.2
23.7
Number of wives Percent
26.3
Percent
4
4
"" ~ 1 "" ~ 1 "~
Number of men
3
3
7.9
9
23.7
38
100.0
a 1,2, Positive; 3, more positive than negative; 4, neutral, does now know; 5, more negative than positive; 6,7, negative. No significant differences.
w h o w i s h t h a t i n t e r c o u r s e was m o r e f r e q u e n t s e e m t o b e m o r e likely to m a s t u r b a t e , while t h e satisfied m e n m a s t u r b a t e m o r e t h a n t h e satisfied w o m e n . F u r t h e r analyses o f m a s t u r b a t i o n o c c u r r e n c e a n d f r e q u e n c y in r e l a t i o n t o social status, e d u c a t i o n , d u r a t i o n o f m a r r i a g e , a n d general c o n t e n t e d n e s s w i t h sex life s h o w e d n o significant d i f f e r e n c e s .
A t t i t u d e T o w a r d Masturbation Having d e s c r i b e d b e h a v i o r a n d e x p e r i e n c e w i t h r e s p e c t to m a s t u r b a t i o n , we t u r n t o t h e r e l a t i o n b e t w e e n b e h a v i o r a n d a t t i t u d e t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n a n d a c o m p a r i s o n b e t w e e n h u s b a n d a n d wife. C o n t r a r y t o e x p e c t a t i o n , as seen in T a b l e VII, p e r s o n s w h o m a s t u r b a t e do not have a more positive attitude toward masturbation than persons who either
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
141
no longer masturbate or never masturbated. 2 There is an indication that m e n and w o m e n who masturbate have a somewhat more negative view o f masturbation t h a n those who do not. With respect to the attitudes o f h u s b a n d a n d wife, for 11 couples (28.9%) the h u s b a n d and wife have the same attitude. F o r 16 couples (42.1%), the husb a n d has a more positive view of m a s t u r b a t i o n than his wife, a n d for 11 couples the wife has a more positive view o f m a s t u r b a t i o n . None of these differences is statistically significant. The m e n as a group show a very positive or a positively charged attitude toward m a s t u r b a t i o n (?(2 = 13.32, df = 4, p < 0.01), while the w o m e n are scattered equally over the attitude categories. The differences disappear w h e n the groups and couples are compared. F u r t h e r statistical analyses show no significant differences b e t w e e n a t t i t u d e toward m a s t u r b a t i o n and social status or education. Table VII shows that a n u m b e r o f the persons stating that they mast u r b a t e have at the same time a distinctly negative a t t i t u d e toward this k i n d o f sexual outlet. Thematically, this negative attitude toward m a s t u r b a t i o n is m a r k e d b y a formulated view o f it as wrong, u n n a t u r a l , repelling, and m o r b i d . M a s t u r b a t i o n is looked u p o n as an u n n a t u r a l substitute, which the performer experiences as wrong. The action is described as impersonal a n d cold and causing a sense o f guilt a n d shame.
SEXUAL FANTASIES Table VIII shows that m e n as a group report a higher occurrence o f sexual fantasies t h a n w o m e n . This corresponds with other research (Gagnon a n d Simon, 1974). Concerning the occurrence of sexual fantasies b y h u s b a n d and wife within the couple, the picture changes. There is only a t r e n d for the h u s b a n d to have sexual fantasies more often t h a n the wife (0.10 level). A m o n g 11 couples Thematic analysis: The positive attitude toward masturbation is from a spontaneous, pleasurable point of view. "You masturbate because you feel like it." It is "good" and unproblematic. Masturbation is looked upon as a completely natural thing for people without a partner. The positive-ambivalent attitude views masturbation as natural, but not quite as good or satisfactory as intercourse with a partner. It is not "wrong" to masturbate, hut it should not be necessary when married. The neutral attitude is marked by "don't know." The question has not been given any special thought, and consequently no definite attitude is expressed. The negative-ambivalent attitude is characterized by two themes: (1) Although in a sense it is "nice" to masturbate, you feel embarrassed afterward because you could not refrain. There is a feeling that you take something away from the partner, hecause you do something that should have been done in common. (2) If you do not masturbate (any longer) it is in a certain sense accepted that it can be necessary for people without a partner. There is no personal need. There are tendencies toward a general feeling that it is debasing to give way to one's pleasurable impulses and to be sexually satisfied alone. This theme is much stronger in the negative attitude.
142
Hessellund Table VIII. Sexual Fantasies a Wife Husband
Yes
No
Number of men
Percent
Yes
11
13
24
63.2
No
3
11
14
36.8
Number of wives
14
24
38
Percent
36.8
63.2
100
aMan and wife: ×~ = 1.26, df = 1. No significant difference. Men and women: X2 = 5.26, df = 1, p < 0.05. ( 2 9 % ) b o t h h u s b a n d a n d wife h a v e sexual fantasies, a n d a m o n g a n o t h e r 11 couples b o t h h u s b a n d a n d wife s t a t e t h a t t h e y have n o sexual fantasies. F o r 13 c o u p l e s ( 3 4 . 2 % ) , t h e h u s b a n d states t h a t h e has sexual fantasies, while t h e wife does n o t . W i t h t h r e e c o u p l e s (7.9%), t h e wife states t h a t she h a s sexual fantasies, while t h e h u s b a n d does n o t . T h u s general d i f f e r e n c e s in t h e g r o u p s d i s a p p e a r or are s t r o n g l y r e d u c e d w h e n a n a l y z e d w i t h i n couples. Table IX. Relation Between Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies Sexual fantasies Masturbates
Yes
No
Yes No
19 5
4 10
Womenb Yes No
10 4
4 20
Men a
Men c Number Masturbates/has sex fantasies Does not masturbate/ has no sexual fantasies Masturbates/has no sexual fantasies Does not masturbate/ has sexual fantasies
Women c
Percent
Number Percent
19
50.0
10
26.3
10
26.3
20
52.6
4
10.5
4
10.4
5
13.2
4
10.5
38
100.0
38
99.9
ax2 = 9.47, d f = 1,p < 0.01. bx2= 11.40, df= 1,p < 0.01. c×~ = 6.24, df = 3, p < 0.01.
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
143
Table X. Relation Between Sexual Problems and Fantasies a Sexual problems Sexual fantasies
Yes
No
Mena Yes
12
12
No
2
12
Womenb Yes No
7
7
9
15
ax2 = 4.85, df = 1, p < 0.05. bx2 = 0.57, df = 1. No significant differences. The assumption that sexual fantasies occur along with masturbation is confirmed in more detail in Table IX.
Sexual Problems (Dysfunction) and Fantasies Two men (5.3%) state that they have no sexual fantasies but problems with the sexual act, whereas nine women (23.7%) state they have no sexual fantasies but problems with the sexual act (Table X). Twelve men (31.6%) and 15 women (39.5%) state that they have neither sexual fantasies nor problems.
Content of Sexual Fantasies At the b o t t o m of Table XI is an analysis of the quantitative aspect of the fantasies concerning the number of persons. Men appear more inclined to fantasies involving several persons. For both men and women, in about half the cases the wife/husband never appears. Five women (42.8%) have sexual fantasies only about sexual intercourse with their husband. This theme is seen with six men (25.0%). Five men (20.8%) have sexual fantasies about either lheir wife or another woman. Table XII gives a survey of times and situations where sexual fantasies may occur. The category "unspecified" refers to the fact that it may happen anytime and anywhere: at work, during sexual intercourse, by masturbation.
Examples Husband 00: I'd like to be a sheik with a harem of fancy birds. To have a lot of nice girls swarming about you, so that you can choose a partner for each day, and the others lend a hand by serving champagne and such. It happens in the morning when you lie half asleep or when you see a sweet girl in the street and tkink: "Gosh, wasn't that something."
144
HesseUund Table XI. Contents of Sexual Fantasies a Men Number
Women
Percent
Number
Percent
Harem: A bunch of beautiful girls swarming around the man, who can pick and choose
5
20.8
0
-
Sexual intercourse, either with the spouse or with some other attractive woman you have seen
5
20.8
0
-
Sexual intercourse with spouse
6
25.0
5
35.7
Group sex. Several men and one girl
I
4.2
0
-
Other partners than the spouse, but ordy one at a time
3
12.5
8
57.1
"That can be very different. I can very well think of myself making love to someone else, or that my husband is together with someone else, or that five men are tackling me at the same time. Everything you can't do in reality. You must use your fantasy for that."
0
-
1
7.1
"Mature women, perhaps 45-50. I imagine intercourse with them. They are well developed in every way, well upholstered. This thing with several women at the same time does not attract m e . "
1
4.2
0
-
"Something with a triangle between me and two other girls."
1
4.2
0
-
Intercourse with one partner Group situations
24
100.0
14
99.9
15 9
62.5 37.5
13 1
92.9 7.1
24
100.0
14
100.0
ax2 = 4.20, df = 1 , p < 0.05. Husband 02: A wonderful sexual intercourse. Either with my wife or with a nice girl I've seen. Husband 03: Sexual intercourse with a woman. It may be my wife or w o m e n I've seen. Wife 03: I may have it during sexual intercourse. But not otherwise. But I can't dish up any stories like those by Inge and Sten Hegeler. 3 Only about how I look. But I d o n ' t really know what it is I ' m thinking, but something is spinning around in my head during sexual intercourse. 3Two Danish sexologists.
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
145
Wife 04: Such as a weekend or week alone with m y husband. 1 m a y think of that. You d o n ' t have m u c h time for each other w h e n you have children. I think of it on ordinary days. You can have a feeling o f drifting apart w h e n you have children. H u s b a n d 05 : I m a y sit at m y office and work and then suddenly imagine my wife w i t h o u t clothes, a n d also other w o m e n . Yes, I dream a lot also about sexual intercourse. T h a t can happen all the 24 hours. H u s b a n d 06: You can sit and think o f s o m e t h i n g happening. I only imagine sexual intercourse. It happens at vacant.hours, at work, in weekends. You may very well sit in the daily jog-trot and think that it would be nice to come d o w n to your wife. Husband 10: It is only in periods with a bad relation to m y wife. I think that some girls c o m e and make love to me heartily (madly) and, you know, admire me a little. T h e y are just crazy a b o u t me, and then one o f t h e m gets an orgasm and t h e n the n e x t and it is simply marvellous. H u s b a n d 11: It's mostly m y wife. But now and then it's other girls. But I d o n ' t k n o w where 1 get it from. I have never seen them. Sometimes it's a whole b u n c h o f girls. t t u s b a n d 12: I'd like a few and one girl.
two or three -- it might very well be two m e n
Wife 12: What the m a n does and how he treats you. Affectionate. My own h u s b a n d is. It's mostly w h e n I ' m cleaning. You k n o w , w h e n I ' m alone. It has also happened while I ' m looking at m y h u s b a n d w h e n we are just a b o u t to fall asleep. Wife 13: I think o f other men. I d o n ' t think of m y husband. I m a y sometimes think o f being unfaithful to him. That I find exciting. It's not at all s o m e t h i n g special. It's s o m e t h i n g nice and warm and affectionate. I can't say anything special. It s o m e t i m e s h a p p e n s during sexual intercourse. If it's hard for me to be aroused then I force myself to think of s o m e t h i n g exciting in order to come along. Husband 14: It does happen sometimes, I d o n ' t think about it very much. You do that more when you're young. I only think of m y wife, When I masturbate. Table XII. Times/Situations for Sexual Fantasies Men Number
Women
Percent
Number
Percent
During intercourse
0
-
3
21.4
Unspecified
8
33.3
6
42,9
10
41.7
3
21.4
1
4.2
0
-
M a s t u r b a t i o n / w h e n y o u are a b o u t to fall asleep or before you get up When the relationship is bad At separation
2
8.3
2
14,3
At work
3
12.5
0
-
24
100,0
14
100.0
146
Hessellund Husband 17: That I'm making love with a girl. It's not one I know. There may also be more people e.g., a whole group. You know such a group thing. where they are lying all around. Couple 20 Husband: When I'm sailing, I imagine how nice it would be if my wife were there. When I get really turned on. When I have a night watch on the ship. I have written to my wife about it. And she writes about the same things to me. Wife: I think about my husband and otherwise only about my own satisfaction. When I write letters and have to find something nice to say, and when I masturbate. I write about it in my letters to him -~ he finds it exciting. Wife 23: I think of the one I'm interested in for the moment. Never my husband, that is. Wife 24: It's especially when long time has gone. Then you imagine things. I don't know quite what I'm imagining but it's something about sexual intercourse, and I have a feeling of desire. But it's never my husband. Couple 30 Husband: It ranges from my wife to female acquaintances to a whole harem. But there are never men involved. If there is another man, then it's never in relation to my person. Wife: I imagine being with the other man. Something sexual and tender. Husband 33: Something with a triangle. Me and two other girls, and else about all the fancy girls you meet. I told my wife about the triangle. It was completely out of the question.
T h e a b o v e q u o t a t i o n s d o c u m e n t to a c e r t a i n e x t e n t q u a l i t a t i v e l y d i f f e r e n t ways o f t h i n k i n g o f sex. T h e m e n d e m o n s t r a t e an a c t i o n a n d a c h i e v e m e n t o r i e n t a t i o n . T h e t h e m e s s h o w f u r t h e r t h a t these fantasies also serve to m a i n t a i n a m a s c u l i n e self-image w i t h t h e p o w e r t o satisfy w o m e n as a c r i t e r i o n o f o n e ' s o w n sexual satisfaction. T h e w o m e n stress t h e t e n d e r , e m o t i o n a l aspects o f s e x u a l i t y a n d a p p e a r m o r e p e r s o n o r i e n t e d in t h e c o n t e n t o f t h e i r fantasies.
DISCUSSION M a s t u r b a t i o n a n d sexual fantasies a p p e a r to h a v e d i f f e r e n t f u n c t i o n s for m e n a n d w o m e n i n d e p e n d e n t l y o f c o m m o n social b a c k g r o u n d variables. As far as m e n are c o n c e r n e d , m a s t u r b a t i o n a p p e a r s to be a s u p p l e m e n t t o coital b e h a v ior, a n d for w o m e n to b e a c o m p e n s a t i o n . These f u n c t i o n s a p p e a r i n d e p e n d e n t l y o f t h e f r e q u e n c y o f sexual i n t e r c o u r s e . T h e f u n c t i o n o f m a s t u r b a t i o n as a supp l e m e n t for m e n is p r o b a b l y due to t h e fact t h a t t h e wife is t h e o n e to decide t h e m a t r i m o n i a l s t a n d a r d o f sexual i n t e r c o u r s e . Feelings o f guilt in c o n n e c t i o n w i t h m a s t u r b a t i o n a p p e a r in s o m e subjects. The guilt feelings a p p a r e n t l y m a k e s u b j e c t s w h o m a s t u r b a t e m o r e likely to express negative a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n t h a n n o n m a s t u r b a t i n g subjects. F r o m a q u a l i t a t i v e analysis, h o w e v e r , t h e r e is r e a s o n to e x p e c t t h a t t h e a t t i t u d e t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n is s t r o n g l y d e p e n d e n t o n w h e t h e r o n e regards m a s t u r b a t i o n
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
147
as a natural or an unnatural action. The aspect of naturalness appears related to whether one feels that sexual intercourse is the natural way to get satisfaction. A sense of guilt arises partly because one feels engaged in an unnatural action and partly because one feels that in this unnatural action something is taken away from the spouse. The other view of masturbation is that it is a quite legitimate physical action just like washing hands and brushing teeth. In terms of behavior and attitudes, men are as a group considerably more positively inclined toward masturbation than are women. This again appears relative to the existence of sexual fantasies. However, women who masturbate also generally report sexual fantasies.
REFERENCES Abramson, P. R. (1973). The relationship of the frequency of masturbation to several aspects of personality and behavior. J. Sex Res. 9:132-142. Dearborn, L. W. (1967). Autoeroticism. In Ellis, A., and Abarbanel, A. (eds.), The Encyclopedia o f Sexual Behavior, Hawthorn Books, New York. Ford, C., and Beach, F. A. (1951). Patterns o f Sexual Behavior, Harper and Row, New York. Gagnon, S., and Simon, W. (1973). Sexual Conduct, Aldine. Chicago. Greenberg, J. S. and Archambault, F. X. (1973). Masturbation, self-esteem and other variables. J. Sex Res. 9:41-51. Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B., and Martin, C. E. (1948). Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Saunders, Philadelphia. Kinsey, A. C., Pomeroy, W. B., Martin, C. E., and Gebhard, P. H. (1953). Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, Saunders, Philadelphia. LoPiccolo, J., and Lobitz, W. C. (1972). The role of masturbation in the treatment of orgasmic dysfunction. Arch. Sex. Behav. 2:163-171. Masters, W. H., and Johnson, V. (1970). Human Sexual Inadequacy, Churchill, London. Platen, M. (1914). Den Naturlige Laegemetode (The Natural Method of Healing), Se|skabet til udbredelse af litteraere vaerker, Copenhagen.
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples Hans Hessellund, Cand. Psych. 1
This article reports some aspects o f sociosexual behavior, as a small part o f an intensive study o f 38 married couples. The persons' experiences and formulations are the primary material in an effort to humanize sexological research. This article reflects the Danish psychological-psychiatric tradition with emphasis on personal interviews instead o f questionnaires, inventories, or tests. The analyses are based on differences between husband and wife and between men and women as groups. A number o f qualitative thematic differences in personal experience with respect to masturbation and sexual fantasies are reported. Attention is drawn to thematic differences in the psychological significance o f these aspects o f sexuality which are, in part, dependent on the sex o f the subject. KEY WORDS: masturbation; marriage; intercourse; sex differences; fantasy.
INTRODUCTION
Masturbation or autosexuality as a way of obtaining sexual release has been and still is widespread. As a sexual practice it has a long history of general condemnation (Kinsey et al., 1948, 1953; Dearborn, 1967). Masturbation is not an exclusively human activity but occurs regularly among other mammalian species, even with willing partners available (Ford and Beach, 1951). In a crosscultural and a cross-species perspective, autosexuality is more common among males than females. These facts considered, masturbation should be conceptualized as a normal or natural pattern of behavior, originating in built-in biological mammalian systems. Although masturbation is universal in occurrence, attitudes toward it are extremely varied (Ford and Beach, 1951). However, the main effect of masturbatory taboos seems to be masturbation in secret rather than a reduction in ocThis research was supported by Grants 512-786, 512-1060, and 512-2901 from the Danish Medical Research Council. 1Associate Professor, University of Aalborg, Denmark. 133 © 1976 Plenum Publishing C o r p o r a t i o n , 227 West 17th Street, New York~ N . Y . 10011. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or t r a n s m i t t e d , in any f o r m or b y any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.
134
Hessellund
currence. Viewed more generally, there has been a progressive liberalization in the attitudes toward masturbation, especially among the more affluent classes. Masturbatory techniques are, for instance, now used in the treatment of psychosexual problems such as impotence and frigidity (Masters and Johnson, 1970; LoPiccolo and Lobitz, 1972). Another aspect of the more permissive attitude toward masturbation finds expression in sex education texts for young people, especially in Scandinavia. While formerly much energy was invested in the prevention of masturbation in the young (Platen, 1914), autosexuality is currently considered not only a harmless but even a useful way of obtaining sexual release. It is recommended for young people who have no current sexual partner. Although masturbation is in theory considered to be without harmful effects, less is known about some psychological aspects, for instance, the significance of masturbation for male and female self-esteem. Abramson (1973) found that masturbation was a greater psychological threat for males than for females, and further that there was no connection between frequency of masturbation and intercourse. Greenberg and Archambault (1973) found that guilt feelings connected with masturbation occurred in 40% of men and 48% of women in a sample of university students. In agreement with the Kinsey findings, our data show that males masturbate more than the females and that the unmarried masturbate more than the married. While there was a significant difference (p < 0.05) in intercourse frequency among married and unmarried subjects, there were no significant differences in frequency of masturbation between married and unmarried subjects. If masturbation is considered a substitute for intercourse, one would expect that the frequency of masturbation would be greater among unmarried subjects than among subjects with daily sexual access to a partner. This hypothesis was not borne out. Greenberg and Archambault (1973) did not find significant differences between frequellcies of masturbation and intercourse.
MASTURBATION Sample A small part of an intensive study on the sexual behavior, attitudes, and knowledge in 38 married couples with children is reported. The sample was drawn from the general population, through the public files, with the following criteria: the age of the husband was between 34 and 39 years, and each couple had at least one child. The couples had been married between 1 and 19 years, with a mean of 10.7 years. The majority of the subjects were content with their marriage, loved their spouse, and had never seriously regretted the union. The mean age of the husbands was about 37 years and of the wives was 34 years. The mean number of
135
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples Table I. Masturbation Frequency per Month a Wife Number of
Husband
22-30
22-30
14-18
6-10
4-5
2-3
Never 1
1
2.6
2
2
5
13.2
2
2
1
6
t5.8
1
1
2.6
" -..
1
5
7
18.4
~" --.
2
3
7.9 39.5
""
14-18
"" -..
6-10
1 1- ..
4-5
" -..
2-3
1
Seldom
1
Never
1
Number of wives
1
0
3
0
3
Percent
2.6
-
7.9
-
7.9
men
Percent
Seldom
2
" 12..
15
7
24
38
18.4
63.2
100.0
a×2= 12.28, df = 6, p < 0.10. c h i l d r e n was 2.3. C o u p l e s o f all social classes were r e p r e s e n t e d , as well as u r b a n a n d p r o v i n c i a l locales. N o n e h a d c o n s u l t e d d o c t o r s , c l e r g y m e n , p s y c h o l o g i s t s , m a r r i a g e c o u n s e l o r s , or o t h e r p r o f e s s i o n a l p e o p l e w i t h p r o b l e m s o f a sexual or marital nature.
Occurrence and Frequency of Masturbation T a b l e I s h o w s t h e m a s t u r b a t i o n f r e q u e n c y o f h u s b a n d a n d wife. T h e t e r m seldom refers to o n c e or twice per year. F i f t e e n m e n (39.5%) a n d 2 4 w o m e n (63.2%) n e v e r m a s t u r b a t e . A m o n g 12 c o u p l e s (31.6%), b o t h p a r t n e r s i n d e p e n d e n t ly s t a t e d t h a t t h e y n e v e r m a s t u r b a t e . Twelve w o m e n have h u s b a n d s w h o m a s t u r b a t e f r o m " s e l d o m " t o daily. Where b o t h spouses m a s t u r b a t e , t h e h u s b a n d mast u r b a t e s m o r e f r e q u e n t l y t h a n his wife. Significant sex d i f f e r e n c e s exist ( T a b l e II). O f t h e 15 m e n w h o d o n o t mast u r b a t e , o n l y t h r e e state t h a t t h e y h a v e n e v e r d o n e so. A m o n g 2 4 w o m e n w h o
Table I1. Experience with Masturbationa Men Number Never masturbated Masturbated when young
3 3___55 38
as2 = 14.82, df = 1, p < 0.01.
Women Percent
Number
Percent
7.9 92.1
18 20
47.4 52.6
100.0
38
100.0
136
Hesmllund
do not masturbate, 18 state that they have never done so. The figures for experience with masturbation (males 92.1%, females 52.6%) correspond with the Kinsey figures for experience with masturbation (males 94%, females 58%). Subjects who no longer masturbate state that they did so when young and until married. I don't masturbate any longer. 1 did when young, but after getting to know girls I stopped. (male) I never masturbated after I got married. (male) I masturbated before I got married. (female)
Masturbation as Secret from Spouse Among 11 couples where b o t h husband and wife masturbate, only three husbands and wives k n o w o f this (Table III). Five husbands and wives stated that they do not think their spouse knows. Among those 11 couples where only the husband masturbates, five husbands feel certain that their wife knows, white among four couples where only the wife masturbates, only one wife states that her husband knows. The third part o f Table III shows whether, in those cases where the husband or wife knows about masturbation on the part o f the spouse, a problem exists. Only one husband who masturbates felt that it was a problem for his wife. This subject masturbates from three times a day to twice per week: "I told her in one o f those periods when she was not interested in intercourse. She got very unhappy, so it was lucky that I did. She has not complained about i t . " The wife stated that she masturbates "once in a while" and further that her husband knows about it, since he encouraged her masturbating: "He has even given me a vibrator." Table III. Spouse Knowledge of Masturbation Married couples, where both parties masturbate: Wife Husband
Yes
No
Yes No
3 2
1 5
Married couples, where only one masturbates: Men Women Yes 5 1 No 6 3 In cases where the spouse knows: Is it a problem for him/her? Men Women Yes 1 0 No 8 7
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
137
Table IV. Time and Place for Masturbation Men
Time of masturbation a Night Evening Evening/afternoon Morning Morning/noon/evening Middle of the day
Women
Number
Percent
Number Percent
6 7 1 4 3 2 23
26.1 30.4 4.4 17.4 13.0 8.7 100,0
2 6 2 0 3 1 14
14.3 42.9 14.3 21.3 7.1 99.9
12 2 9 23
52.2 8.7 39.1 100.0
11 3 0 14
78.6 21.4 100.0
Place of masturbation b Bed Bed/bathroom Bathroom
ax2= 4.79, df = 5. No significant differences. bx2= 7.13, df= 2, p < 0.05. W h e n it is possible to hide m a s t u r b a t i o n f r o m a p e r s o n as close as a husb a n d or wife t h i s is c o n n e c t e d w i t h t i m e a n d place for m a s t u r b a t o r y b e h a v i o r , as s h o w n in Table IV. More t h a n h a l f o f t h e h u s b a n d s a n d m o r e t h a n t h r e e - f o u r t h s o f t h e wives m a s t u r b a t e in b e d w h e n t h e spouse has fallen asleep. T h e m a i n d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n m e n a n d w o m e n here is t h a t a b o u t 4 0 % o f t h e m e n always m a s t u r b a t e in t h e b a t h r o o m , e i t h e r m o r n i n g or n i g h t w h e n t h e y p r e p a r e f o r going to w o r k o r b e d . T h o s e m e n m a s t u r b a t e as a m a t t e r o f r o u t i n e b e f o r e b r u s h i n g t h e i r t e e t h a n d w a s h i n g t h e i r h a n d s . N o n e o f t h e wives states t h a t t h i s o n l y t a k e s place in t h e b a t h r o o m , b u t t h a t it m i g h t h a p p e n . Couple 04 - Husband: I do it rather often. Every second day or so. At night in bed, when my wife is asleep. She never wakes up. Wife: Twice a week. In the evening, when my husband is away or in the afternoon. When I feel like it. Often in bed or in the bathroom. Couple 10 -- Husband: Normally twice a month, but it varies rather much. It depends on the total sexual activity and the emotional climate. But it is seldom now. I masturbated a lot when I prepared for my e x a m i n a t i o n s - b y God, I did it all day long. If I didn't eat or smoke, I masturbated -- and then I could go on studying. (The wife knows, but it has not caused any problem.) If it happens now it is especially when we are on bad terms. It happens in bad periods. It indicates that we are not getting along very well together. Wife: Twice a week. It is periodical, but normally every third day, even if we are together. It can be any time during the day and often in bed. (The husband knows about it, and it has not caused any problems.) Well, I tell him about it and say it is sad that it has to be like that. But it is as if he doesn't realize that I want to be with him more often. Couple 14--Husband: Twice a week. In the morning, before I milk the COWS.
138
Hessellund Wife: It is very seldom, at most a couple of times a year. Normally at the after-dinner nap, w h e n m y h u s b a n d is asleep. H u s b a n d 19: Twice a m o n t h . In the b a t h r o o m , before we go to sleep. (Wife does not know.) Wife 23: Twice a month. Mostly just before m y periods. I am most prurient, then. It is w h e n I feel like it and I ' m alone and a little sad. (Husband does not know.) Husband 24: Twice a week. Either in the morning or in the evening. It's a bloody mess, so in the end I go o u t in the b a t h r o o m . (Wife does n o t know.) Husband 3 3 : 4 - 5 times a m o n t h , w h e n m y wife has her periods. (The wife k n o w s about it, and it has n o t caused any problem.) Our relationship is so good that she also helps me sometimes.
Table V. Relation Between Masturbation and Intercourse Frequency per M o n t h Husbands: m a s t u r b a t i o n frequency Intercourse frequency
Masturbation frequency 22-30 14-16 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
22-30
14-18
~ ~ "~
"2
~ ---~
6-10
4-5
2-3
1 5 "3 -.
1 2 8
1
"~ ~4 1 4
~3-.. 1
1
4-5
2-3
2
3
Wives: m a s t u r b a t i o n frequency Intercourse frequency
Masturbation frequency
22-30
22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
14-18 "- --.
1 2
Intercourse frequency, m e n (per m o n t h )
1 ~" "-- -... 1 " 2 - - . ~. 1 1 2
1 8 4 1 1
1 5 14 0 3
1 6 15
Intercourse frequency, w o m e n (per m o n t h ) Never m a s t u r b a t e s Masturbates
Never m a s t u r b a t e s Masturbates 22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3
6-10
22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3
2 2 15 2 3
1 3 10 0 0
Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies in Married Couples
139
As indicated by some o f the above quotations, the reason why men, much more than women, masturbate in the b a t h r o o m might be to dispose of the ejaculate expediently - partly for hygienic/esthetic reasons and partly for preventing disclosing stains on bedclothes. Masturbation has, among other things, been described as a substitute for intercourse. Table V indicates the relation between the frequency of masturbation and intercourse. The masturbation frequency of both men and women is generally lower than the stated intercourse frequency. Six men and two women report the same frequency for the two types o f outlet, and six men and one woman state that their masturbation frequency exceeds their intercourse frequency. For these seven, their intercourse frequency is one or two times per week. Significantly more men than women masturbate (?(2 = 4.27, p < 0.05). Comparison of the frequency of masturbation for men and women who report an intercourse frequency o f six to ten times per m o n t h also shows a significant difference (?(2 = 16.18, d f = 5, p < 0.01). Moreover, the intercourse frequency o f men and women who never masturbate is significantly different (?(2 = 10.10, df = 4, p < 0.05). The conclusion o f these analyses is that the norm o f intercourse frequency in the marriage is defined by the woman and is generally one or two times per week. It can also be tentatively concluded that for men masturbation functions more as a supplement to the sexual life, while for women it is to a greater extent a substitute for intercourse. These conclusions are supported in Table VI, which shows that the women more than men were satisfied with intercourse frequency, and the women masturbate less. The women's wish for greater intercourse frequency does not give rise to a greater degree o f masturbation, although the number may be too small to permit conclusions. Regarding those who wish for a lower intercourse frequency, one woman reports daily masturbation, while the remaining six never masturbate. For the men, no significant difference can be shown with respect to masturbation frequency and satisfaction/dissatisfaction with intercourse frequency. Men Table VI. Masturbation Frequency in Relation to Satisfaction with Coitus Frequency per Month Masturbation frequency 22-30 14-18 6-10 4-5 2-3 Seldom Never
Men More 1 2 4 1 2 1 4
Women
Satisfied
More
Satisfied
3 2
1
2
5 2 11
2 3
3 5 15
Less
140
Hessellund Table VII. Attitude Toward Masturbationa Husbands Does not masturbate (any longer)
Masturbates Attitude Number 1,2 3 4 5 6,7
Wives
Percent
Number
Percent
Does not masturbate (any longer)
Masturbates Number
Percent
Number
Percent
9 5 1 2 6
39.1 21.7 4.3 8.7 26.1
5 5 1 1 3
33.3 33.3 6.7 6.7 20.0
3 2 1 3 5
21.4 14.3 7.1 21.4 35.7
7 4 7 2 4
29.2 16.7 29.2 8.3 16.7
23
99.9
15
100.0
14
99.9
24
100.1
Relation between husband's and wife's attitude to masturbation Wife Husband
1,2
3
4
5 2
1,2
--- , 4 .
3
3
3
2
"" -,.2
2
6,7 2
14
36.8
10
26.3
2
5.3
1
5
2
6,7
1
1
2
2~
10
6
8
5
9
15.8
21.1
13.2
23.7
Number of wives Percent
26.3
Percent
4
4
"" ~ 1 "" ~ 1 "~
Number of men
3
3
7.9
9
23.7
38
100.0
a 1,2, Positive; 3, more positive than negative; 4, neutral, does now know; 5, more negative than positive; 6,7, negative. No significant differences.
w h o w i s h t h a t i n t e r c o u r s e was m o r e f r e q u e n t s e e m t o b e m o r e likely to m a s t u r b a t e , while t h e satisfied m e n m a s t u r b a t e m o r e t h a n t h e satisfied w o m e n . F u r t h e r analyses o f m a s t u r b a t i o n o c c u r r e n c e a n d f r e q u e n c y in r e l a t i o n t o social status, e d u c a t i o n , d u r a t i o n o f m a r r i a g e , a n d general c o n t e n t e d n e s s w i t h sex life s h o w e d n o significant d i f f e r e n c e s .
A t t i t u d e T o w a r d Masturbation Having d e s c r i b e d b e h a v i o r a n d e x p e r i e n c e w i t h r e s p e c t to m a s t u r b a t i o n , we t u r n t o t h e r e l a t i o n b e t w e e n b e h a v i o r a n d a t t i t u d e t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n a n d a c o m p a r i s o n b e t w e e n h u s b a n d a n d wife. C o n t r a r y t o e x p e c t a t i o n , as seen in T a b l e VII, p e r s o n s w h o m a s t u r b a t e do not have a more positive attitude toward masturbation than persons who either
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no longer masturbate or never masturbated. 2 There is an indication that m e n and w o m e n who masturbate have a somewhat more negative view o f masturbation t h a n those who do not. With respect to the attitudes o f h u s b a n d a n d wife, for 11 couples (28.9%) the h u s b a n d and wife have the same attitude. F o r 16 couples (42.1%), the husb a n d has a more positive view of m a s t u r b a t i o n than his wife, a n d for 11 couples the wife has a more positive view o f m a s t u r b a t i o n . None of these differences is statistically significant. The m e n as a group show a very positive or a positively charged attitude toward m a s t u r b a t i o n (?(2 = 13.32, df = 4, p < 0.01), while the w o m e n are scattered equally over the attitude categories. The differences disappear w h e n the groups and couples are compared. F u r t h e r statistical analyses show no significant differences b e t w e e n a t t i t u d e toward m a s t u r b a t i o n and social status or education. Table VII shows that a n u m b e r o f the persons stating that they mast u r b a t e have at the same time a distinctly negative a t t i t u d e toward this k i n d o f sexual outlet. Thematically, this negative attitude toward m a s t u r b a t i o n is m a r k e d b y a formulated view o f it as wrong, u n n a t u r a l , repelling, and m o r b i d . M a s t u r b a t i o n is looked u p o n as an u n n a t u r a l substitute, which the performer experiences as wrong. The action is described as impersonal a n d cold and causing a sense o f guilt a n d shame.
SEXUAL FANTASIES Table VIII shows that m e n as a group report a higher occurrence o f sexual fantasies t h a n w o m e n . This corresponds with other research (Gagnon a n d Simon, 1974). Concerning the occurrence of sexual fantasies b y h u s b a n d and wife within the couple, the picture changes. There is only a t r e n d for the h u s b a n d to have sexual fantasies more often t h a n the wife (0.10 level). A m o n g 11 couples Thematic analysis: The positive attitude toward masturbation is from a spontaneous, pleasurable point of view. "You masturbate because you feel like it." It is "good" and unproblematic. Masturbation is looked upon as a completely natural thing for people without a partner. The positive-ambivalent attitude views masturbation as natural, but not quite as good or satisfactory as intercourse with a partner. It is not "wrong" to masturbate, hut it should not be necessary when married. The neutral attitude is marked by "don't know." The question has not been given any special thought, and consequently no definite attitude is expressed. The negative-ambivalent attitude is characterized by two themes: (1) Although in a sense it is "nice" to masturbate, you feel embarrassed afterward because you could not refrain. There is a feeling that you take something away from the partner, hecause you do something that should have been done in common. (2) If you do not masturbate (any longer) it is in a certain sense accepted that it can be necessary for people without a partner. There is no personal need. There are tendencies toward a general feeling that it is debasing to give way to one's pleasurable impulses and to be sexually satisfied alone. This theme is much stronger in the negative attitude.
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Hessellund Table VIII. Sexual Fantasies a Wife Husband
Yes
No
Number of men
Percent
Yes
11
13
24
63.2
No
3
11
14
36.8
Number of wives
14
24
38
Percent
36.8
63.2
100
aMan and wife: ×~ = 1.26, df = 1. No significant difference. Men and women: X2 = 5.26, df = 1, p < 0.05. ( 2 9 % ) b o t h h u s b a n d a n d wife h a v e sexual fantasies, a n d a m o n g a n o t h e r 11 couples b o t h h u s b a n d a n d wife s t a t e t h a t t h e y have n o sexual fantasies. F o r 13 c o u p l e s ( 3 4 . 2 % ) , t h e h u s b a n d states t h a t h e has sexual fantasies, while t h e wife does n o t . W i t h t h r e e c o u p l e s (7.9%), t h e wife states t h a t she h a s sexual fantasies, while t h e h u s b a n d does n o t . T h u s general d i f f e r e n c e s in t h e g r o u p s d i s a p p e a r or are s t r o n g l y r e d u c e d w h e n a n a l y z e d w i t h i n couples. Table IX. Relation Between Masturbation and Sexual Fantasies Sexual fantasies Masturbates
Yes
No
Yes No
19 5
4 10
Womenb Yes No
10 4
4 20
Men a
Men c Number Masturbates/has sex fantasies Does not masturbate/ has no sexual fantasies Masturbates/has no sexual fantasies Does not masturbate/ has sexual fantasies
Women c
Percent
Number Percent
19
50.0
10
26.3
10
26.3
20
52.6
4
10.5
4
10.4
5
13.2
4
10.5
38
100.0
38
99.9
ax2 = 9.47, d f = 1,p < 0.01. bx2= 11.40, df= 1,p < 0.01. c×~ = 6.24, df = 3, p < 0.01.
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Table X. Relation Between Sexual Problems and Fantasies a Sexual problems Sexual fantasies
Yes
No
Mena Yes
12
12
No
2
12
Womenb Yes No
7
7
9
15
ax2 = 4.85, df = 1, p < 0.05. bx2 = 0.57, df = 1. No significant differences. The assumption that sexual fantasies occur along with masturbation is confirmed in more detail in Table IX.
Sexual Problems (Dysfunction) and Fantasies Two men (5.3%) state that they have no sexual fantasies but problems with the sexual act, whereas nine women (23.7%) state they have no sexual fantasies but problems with the sexual act (Table X). Twelve men (31.6%) and 15 women (39.5%) state that they have neither sexual fantasies nor problems.
Content of Sexual Fantasies At the b o t t o m of Table XI is an analysis of the quantitative aspect of the fantasies concerning the number of persons. Men appear more inclined to fantasies involving several persons. For both men and women, in about half the cases the wife/husband never appears. Five women (42.8%) have sexual fantasies only about sexual intercourse with their husband. This theme is seen with six men (25.0%). Five men (20.8%) have sexual fantasies about either lheir wife or another woman. Table XII gives a survey of times and situations where sexual fantasies may occur. The category "unspecified" refers to the fact that it may happen anytime and anywhere: at work, during sexual intercourse, by masturbation.
Examples Husband 00: I'd like to be a sheik with a harem of fancy birds. To have a lot of nice girls swarming about you, so that you can choose a partner for each day, and the others lend a hand by serving champagne and such. It happens in the morning when you lie half asleep or when you see a sweet girl in the street and tkink: "Gosh, wasn't that something."
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HesseUund Table XI. Contents of Sexual Fantasies a Men Number
Women
Percent
Number
Percent
Harem: A bunch of beautiful girls swarming around the man, who can pick and choose
5
20.8
0
-
Sexual intercourse, either with the spouse or with some other attractive woman you have seen
5
20.8
0
-
Sexual intercourse with spouse
6
25.0
5
35.7
Group sex. Several men and one girl
I
4.2
0
-
Other partners than the spouse, but ordy one at a time
3
12.5
8
57.1
"That can be very different. I can very well think of myself making love to someone else, or that my husband is together with someone else, or that five men are tackling me at the same time. Everything you can't do in reality. You must use your fantasy for that."
0
-
1
7.1
"Mature women, perhaps 45-50. I imagine intercourse with them. They are well developed in every way, well upholstered. This thing with several women at the same time does not attract m e . "
1
4.2
0
-
"Something with a triangle between me and two other girls."
1
4.2
0
-
Intercourse with one partner Group situations
24
100.0
14
99.9
15 9
62.5 37.5
13 1
92.9 7.1
24
100.0
14
100.0
ax2 = 4.20, df = 1 , p < 0.05. Husband 02: A wonderful sexual intercourse. Either with my wife or with a nice girl I've seen. Husband 03: Sexual intercourse with a woman. It may be my wife or w o m e n I've seen. Wife 03: I may have it during sexual intercourse. But not otherwise. But I can't dish up any stories like those by Inge and Sten Hegeler. 3 Only about how I look. But I d o n ' t really know what it is I ' m thinking, but something is spinning around in my head during sexual intercourse. 3Two Danish sexologists.
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Wife 04: Such as a weekend or week alone with m y husband. 1 m a y think of that. You d o n ' t have m u c h time for each other w h e n you have children. I think of it on ordinary days. You can have a feeling o f drifting apart w h e n you have children. H u s b a n d 05 : I m a y sit at m y office and work and then suddenly imagine my wife w i t h o u t clothes, a n d also other w o m e n . Yes, I dream a lot also about sexual intercourse. T h a t can happen all the 24 hours. H u s b a n d 06: You can sit and think o f s o m e t h i n g happening. I only imagine sexual intercourse. It happens at vacant.hours, at work, in weekends. You may very well sit in the daily jog-trot and think that it would be nice to come d o w n to your wife. Husband 10: It is only in periods with a bad relation to m y wife. I think that some girls c o m e and make love to me heartily (madly) and, you know, admire me a little. T h e y are just crazy a b o u t me, and then one o f t h e m gets an orgasm and t h e n the n e x t and it is simply marvellous. H u s b a n d 11: It's mostly m y wife. But now and then it's other girls. But I d o n ' t k n o w where 1 get it from. I have never seen them. Sometimes it's a whole b u n c h o f girls. t t u s b a n d 12: I'd like a few and one girl.
two or three -- it might very well be two m e n
Wife 12: What the m a n does and how he treats you. Affectionate. My own h u s b a n d is. It's mostly w h e n I ' m cleaning. You k n o w , w h e n I ' m alone. It has also happened while I ' m looking at m y h u s b a n d w h e n we are just a b o u t to fall asleep. Wife 13: I think o f other men. I d o n ' t think of m y husband. I m a y sometimes think o f being unfaithful to him. That I find exciting. It's not at all s o m e t h i n g special. It's s o m e t h i n g nice and warm and affectionate. I can't say anything special. It s o m e t i m e s h a p p e n s during sexual intercourse. If it's hard for me to be aroused then I force myself to think of s o m e t h i n g exciting in order to come along. Husband 14: It does happen sometimes, I d o n ' t think about it very much. You do that more when you're young. I only think of m y wife, When I masturbate. Table XII. Times/Situations for Sexual Fantasies Men Number
Women
Percent
Number
Percent
During intercourse
0
-
3
21.4
Unspecified
8
33.3
6
42,9
10
41.7
3
21.4
1
4.2
0
-
M a s t u r b a t i o n / w h e n y o u are a b o u t to fall asleep or before you get up When the relationship is bad At separation
2
8.3
2
14,3
At work
3
12.5
0
-
24
100,0
14
100.0
146
Hessellund Husband 17: That I'm making love with a girl. It's not one I know. There may also be more people e.g., a whole group. You know such a group thing. where they are lying all around. Couple 20 Husband: When I'm sailing, I imagine how nice it would be if my wife were there. When I get really turned on. When I have a night watch on the ship. I have written to my wife about it. And she writes about the same things to me. Wife: I think about my husband and otherwise only about my own satisfaction. When I write letters and have to find something nice to say, and when I masturbate. I write about it in my letters to him -~ he finds it exciting. Wife 23: I think of the one I'm interested in for the moment. Never my husband, that is. Wife 24: It's especially when long time has gone. Then you imagine things. I don't know quite what I'm imagining but it's something about sexual intercourse, and I have a feeling of desire. But it's never my husband. Couple 30 Husband: It ranges from my wife to female acquaintances to a whole harem. But there are never men involved. If there is another man, then it's never in relation to my person. Wife: I imagine being with the other man. Something sexual and tender. Husband 33: Something with a triangle. Me and two other girls, and else about all the fancy girls you meet. I told my wife about the triangle. It was completely out of the question.
T h e a b o v e q u o t a t i o n s d o c u m e n t to a c e r t a i n e x t e n t q u a l i t a t i v e l y d i f f e r e n t ways o f t h i n k i n g o f sex. T h e m e n d e m o n s t r a t e an a c t i o n a n d a c h i e v e m e n t o r i e n t a t i o n . T h e t h e m e s s h o w f u r t h e r t h a t these fantasies also serve to m a i n t a i n a m a s c u l i n e self-image w i t h t h e p o w e r t o satisfy w o m e n as a c r i t e r i o n o f o n e ' s o w n sexual satisfaction. T h e w o m e n stress t h e t e n d e r , e m o t i o n a l aspects o f s e x u a l i t y a n d a p p e a r m o r e p e r s o n o r i e n t e d in t h e c o n t e n t o f t h e i r fantasies.
DISCUSSION M a s t u r b a t i o n a n d sexual fantasies a p p e a r to h a v e d i f f e r e n t f u n c t i o n s for m e n a n d w o m e n i n d e p e n d e n t l y o f c o m m o n social b a c k g r o u n d variables. As far as m e n are c o n c e r n e d , m a s t u r b a t i o n a p p e a r s to be a s u p p l e m e n t t o coital b e h a v ior, a n d for w o m e n to b e a c o m p e n s a t i o n . These f u n c t i o n s a p p e a r i n d e p e n d e n t l y o f t h e f r e q u e n c y o f sexual i n t e r c o u r s e . T h e f u n c t i o n o f m a s t u r b a t i o n as a supp l e m e n t for m e n is p r o b a b l y due to t h e fact t h a t t h e wife is t h e o n e to decide t h e m a t r i m o n i a l s t a n d a r d o f sexual i n t e r c o u r s e . Feelings o f guilt in c o n n e c t i o n w i t h m a s t u r b a t i o n a p p e a r in s o m e subjects. The guilt feelings a p p a r e n t l y m a k e s u b j e c t s w h o m a s t u r b a t e m o r e likely to express negative a t t i t u d e s t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n t h a n n o n m a s t u r b a t i n g subjects. F r o m a q u a l i t a t i v e analysis, h o w e v e r , t h e r e is r e a s o n to e x p e c t t h a t t h e a t t i t u d e t o w a r d m a s t u r b a t i o n is s t r o n g l y d e p e n d e n t o n w h e t h e r o n e regards m a s t u r b a t i o n
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as a natural or an unnatural action. The aspect of naturalness appears related to whether one feels that sexual intercourse is the natural way to get satisfaction. A sense of guilt arises partly because one feels engaged in an unnatural action and partly because one feels that in this unnatural action something is taken away from the spouse. The other view of masturbation is that it is a quite legitimate physical action just like washing hands and brushing teeth. In terms of behavior and attitudes, men are as a group considerably more positively inclined toward masturbation than are women. This again appears relative to the existence of sexual fantasies. However, women who masturbate also generally report sexual fantasies.
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