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Work 50 (2015) 495–500 DOI 10.3233/WOR-141955 IOS Press

Exploring the role of modern day fatherhood Spencer Hermansen∗, Bill Croninger and Sara Croninger University of New England, Portland, ME, USA

Received 28 January 2013 Accepted 22 April 2013

Abstract. The case is the personal perspective and reflection of a father and his daughter, each individually addressing five key aspects of the role of father, revealing a unique and fundamental family perspective. Keywords: Fathering, influence of fathers, effects of parenting

1. Introduction For a long time in the early 20th century research, society’s assumption was that father’s primary role was the family breadwinner and that fathers “were relatively unimportant for the healthy development of their children” [7, p. 385]. Mothers were assumed to be the parent that was equipped to meet the developmental needs of children. Consequently, prior to 1960, little research was conducted concerning the impact of father [4,7,9]. However, as the dynamics of society shifted, researchers note “that as a direct as well as indirect result of the feminist movement, many behavioral scientists began to study fathers and father love directly” [7, p. 388]. Recent studies have found that father love is just as influential, and in some specific child outcomes such as self-esteem, more influential than mother love [7,8]. As with motherhood, the role of the father has a great capacity to influence a child’s development and life. Whether or not this influence is a positive aspect of a child’s life depends to a large extent on how the father fulfills his role as father. Which leads to the question, what is the father’s role? Over the recent decades, the role of father has been the subject of increased focus among researchers in attempts to understand its effect in the dynamics of society. The American Occupational Therapy Associa∗ Corresponding author: Spencer Hermansen, University of New England, Portland, ME, USA. Tel.: +1 801 664 6826; E-mail: [email protected].

tion’s (AOTA) Occupational Therapy Practice Framework: Domain and Practice (2nd edition) notes, “roles are sets of behaviors expected by society, shaped by culture, and may be further conceptualized and defined by the client” [1, p. 641]. The role of father is complex and encompasses many important roles such as care taker, worker, provider, home manager, etc. Each of these roles is influenced by society and cultural expectations and ultimately manifest through a father’s concept of himself in that role. A father must also adapt and fine tune that concept to the specific needs and personalities of each child. Parenting is hard work requiring the fulfilling of many responsibilities without a dollar value compensation. Howard, McBride and Hardy [6] examined the role expectations of contemporary fathers by surveying 105 volunteers from a fathers’ support group in Australia about the roles and responsibilities of fathers and mothers. Survey participants were from 10 different countries and represented a wide array of employment and educational levels. Table 1 is a list of parental responsibilities and the percentage of the volunteers who rated each responsibility as belonging to both the mother and father. While it is revealing that most fathers in this study identified many key responsibilities as belonging to both the mother and the father, it is also important to note that a small number of participants saw many of these responsibilities as primarily the mother’s or father’s. In addition, one participant commented that although he thought parenting responsibility rested on

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S. Hermansen et al. / Exploring the role of modern day fatherhood Table 1 Men’s view on parental responsibilities Parental responsibility discipline sports and recreation day-to-day care dealing with school behavior dealing with behavioral problems dealing with health problems dealing with personal problems being involved with sons being involved with daughters showing affection

Percent who scored the responsibility to belong to the mother and father 88% 81% 67% 87% 92% 79% 89% 81% 82% 93%

Men in fathers’ support group rated the above parental responsibilities to belong to both mother and father.

both parents, one parent sometimes was more able to fulfill certain responsibilities due to innate characteristics [6]. For example, Coakley [3] found that fathers in general, tend to participate more than mothers with their children in certain activities, such as sports and leisure. Both mothers and fathers share parenting responsibilities, however as indicated, each may have a different potential to contribute to their children’s development. The purpose of this article is to further our understanding of the unique contribution of fathers and to increase awareness of the importance and complexity of fatherhood by presenting a case study from the perspective of fathering and another perspective of being fathered. The case study will be followed with a discussion of the recent evidence-based research on the role of the father.

2. Case study (participants’ names have been changed) (Craig) Shortly after hanging up the phone, having agreed to the request to write about fathering, I began to have second thoughts. Who am I to think that I have some kind of insight into being a father? I had no training, read no books and had served as a father to but one other human being, our daughter Margot. That’s when I thought I would elicit Margot’s thoughts on the subject. After all, she had been the primary consumer of my fledging attempts at fathering. We agreed we would pick 5 traits that we thought a father should possess. However, we would each write in the “blind,” neither of us would initially have access to what the other was thinking. 2.1. Identified characteristics Craig’s five characteristics:

1) Willingness to listen 2) Does not need to win an argument 3) Non-judgmental 4) Willing to self-reveal 5) Loving Margot’s five characteristics: 1) Teaches and challenges 2) Spends quality time with child 3) Supportive 4) A role model 5) Love, loyalty and mutual respect for mother of one’s children 2.2. Craig’s and Margot’s thoughts about the listed characteristics 2.3. Teaching and challenging (Craig) This one was not on my list. Margot mentions both the teaching of basic life skills such as dealing with death, separation, and the loss of love. She also mentions the teaching of practical skills like checking the oil in your car, driving a stick shift and riding a bike. The practical skills I tried to teach were those taught to me by my own father. In a way, teaching Margot, was “paying forward” those skills which my father taught me. It also represented some of my most endearing memories of his fathering. 2.4. Willingness to listen We are not always able to say what we feel, sometimes because it is too painful and sometimes because we do not yet have the words to express those feelings. Jumping too quickly to a conclusion means you can easily miss what your child is trying to tell you. When Margot was around 6 years old we tore down the old garage on our property. I was very surprised

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at how much this seemed to bother her. She paced, stomped and was just generally grumpy. I asked her what was going on and she replied, “I don’t like change.” Still it seemed that tearing down an old garage was not that great a change. When I asked her if it was only the loss of the garage that was bothering her she looked at me and said, “I don’t understand why grandpa had to die.” We sat down in a doorway and had a long, long talk about life, death and loss. It is a memory of her that I hope to always be able to retain. 2.5. Supportive – Non-judgmental We both have a version of this. For Margot it was the willingness to listen and support no matter what the situation or challenge. Additionally she mentions “leading them in the right direction but letting them make their own mistakes.” I think this is one of the most difficult principles for a father (or mother!) to follow. Again I will return to my own father who would frequently ask me, “Can you think of any other ways you could have handled that situation?” after I made a mistake. I always felt he helped me evaluate my actions and behaviors rather than simply judging me. It is important to evaluate the potential gravity of a mistake against the opportunity for your child to learn a life lesson. As a new counselor and later a new father I found myself constantly wanting to “throw a mattress” under my charges and later under Margot. But I also knew that being too protective only set the young person up for an even greater injury later in life. 2.6. Role-modeling: Self-revelation (Margot) “Setting a good example for your kid is a no brainer. Striving to be the human being that you want your child to be is insurmountably important.” (Craig) My father was a stern disciplinarian, but one with a heart. His word was law and we feared beyond all else our mother’s “You just wait till your father gets home.” Yet he always had this uncanny ability to know when to back off. When the tears were close and I was as frustrated with Algebra II as I thought anyone could possibly be, he would drop his demand that I “try harder,” put his arm around me and say, “do we need to talk?” Years later, when Margot was struggling with percentiles, I could hear him speaking through me when I dropped my “try harder” for, “let’s take some time and just talk.” (Margot) “However, I think it’s also important to show your child that you’re not infallible. Its how you

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behave when you make those mistakes that set the example for your child. No one wants a perfect parent but they do want parents that they feel comfortable with – when they make those mistakes we are all bound to make.” Setting yourself up as perfect is the perfect trap. How can your fallible child ever see themselves as worthwhile if they have a role model that is not only never wrong, but never able to admit being wrong? (Craig) I spent 7 years as a K-12 guidance counselor in Colorado, prior to attending occupational therapy school. I sometimes drew criticism from other teachers for being “too open” with my students relative to my own life mistakes. One day a student overheard some of that criticism. She brought a small group of fellow students into my office a few days later. “Mr. C,” she said, “we want to encourage you to continue to be open with us. We have a deep respect for you and seeing that someone whom we respect can make mistakes and learn from them gives us hope for our own lives.” I will always argue that appropriate self-revelation is an important means of mentoring sons and daughters. 2.7. Quality time (Margot) My dad and I always took drives together. We would run errands together in the next town and would usually treat ourselves to some fast food. It doesn’t sound like much but taking drives together and talking to him about all manner of things make up some of my fondest memories of growing up with my dad. (Craig) Quality time need not be something “special.” Rather it can be the mundane moments you spend with your child day to day. For me, quality time will always be driving back from daycare with Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody blaring from the radio while Margot and I sang along at the top of our lungs. All the more funny as she is the only one who can carry a tune! 2.8. You don’t need to win all the arguments I remember listening to a National Public Radio interview some time back. The speaker was an authoress writing on how to raise children and one thing she said was to remember that you ,” are not your child’s friend.” I am not in complete agreement with that statement. As a father/parent you do need at times to be in charge. However, if you look back at much of what Margot and I have said you will also see that we do not believe this is one way street. The interchange of ideas

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and feelings are important. Sometimes it may be better to finish in a draw! Margot and I had a run in years ago. It seems like young people, particularly around the middle-school years, go through a period where words are weapons. They use them on each other and often on parents. We were locked in one of those battles one afternoon. I had about all of the tone and the words I was going to take from my pre-teen. So I called her out on it. She snarled back, “You sometimes use words and a tone that hurts me Dad.” Point taken. So we each backed off and had a long talk about the behaviors each of us used that bothered the other. There was no obvious winner that afternoon. Over the years I think we each came to understand that the real winner that day was our relationship. I had wanted to close this article with some thoughts on how fathering and mothering were interactive. How I often bounced ideas off Hellen, my wife, when I needed help figuring out how to interact with Margot on some issue. However, I think Margot’s following thoughts encompass that as well as one more critical aspect of parenting. 2.9. Margot’s final trait: Love, loyalty and mutual respect for mother of one’s children (Margot) Demonstrate love, loyalty, and a mutual respect for the mother of your children. Having a loving and stable relationship with your partner or the mother of your children, helps to create a stable foundation for the kids to be raised in. Even if you’re not married or currently together, having respect for that person shows your child an example of loving someone and respecting them even if the relationship isn’t by any means perfect.

3. Discussion As seen in the case study, Craig and Margot differ in their perspective of the five most important traits a father should possess. Both views include very important behaviors and characteristics which influence the development of a child in different ways. This case study highlights the complexity of the father-child relationship and shows how a father’s conception of the father’s role may need to adapt to incorporate the child’s needs. Further discussion of the role of the father in child development and evidence from current literature follows.

3.1. Fatherhood: Caring and empowering Historically a child’s emotional development was not considered part of the father’s responsibility. In a meta-analysis of current studies on fatherhood, Rohner and Veneziano [7] highlighted the significance of a father’s love on a child’s development. Lawrence Cohen, a psychologist specializing in parenting and play therapy, noted that key aspects of successful parenting included fostering confidence through caring and meaningful interaction [10]. Craig identified caring, empowering, and bonding emotionally with his child as important elements. From his list of characteristics we can see essential to being a good father is the ability to be selfless, or to prioritize his children’s psychosocial development and needs above his own personal desires. A father’s selflessness creates an empowering environment where the children can explore and express their ideas, feelings, and beliefs and develop their identity and independence. Craig’s characteristics: “willingness to listen, does not need to win an argument, non-judgmental, and loving” stress the importance of selflessness. By being willing to listen, Craig can create an empowering environment that encourages free expression. Wipfler advocated various methods of cultivating the art of listening effectively to children. She suggested effectively listening to children empowers them to develop confidence, safely experience their emotions, and learn to reconnect with the world around them [11]. Being “willing to self-reveal” as Craig was, may benefit children by allowing them to learn from the mistakes and successes of their parents without having to make similar mistakes themselves. Hakoama and Ready [8] suggested that fathers may be more effective in fostering certain aspects of child development than mothers. In their study of 300 college students perceptions of fathering quality and father availability when a child is in need, the higher the father-child relationship quality the higher the participant’s self-esteem. Marsiglio, Amato, Day and Lamb [12] suggested that in general fathers and mothers interact with their children in different ways, thus helping children develop in a wide variety of ways. As noted by Hakoama and Ready “during interaction with their children, fathers tended to place more importance than did mothers on encouraging assertive, independent and goal-oriented behavior. These attributes tend to fit in stereotypical gender roles” [pp. 4–5][8]. Amato and Gilbret [13] emphasized the importance of children having a close relationship with their fathers

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in particular, “children, independent of the closeness with their mother, appear happier, more satisfied and less distressed when” they had a close relationship with their father ’[8, p. 5]. As indicated from Craig’s list of characteristics, a father should empower and care for his children, and, as seen in the literature reviewed his influence can make a significantly effective contribution to certain aspects of the child’s development [5,7]. 3.2. Fatherhood: Supportive and consistent Margot identified the following as characteristics or qualities that a father should possess: 1) Teaches and challenges 2) Spends quality time with child 3) Supportive 4) A role model 5) Love, loyalty and mutual respect for mother of one’s children Her list suggests that the role of the father also requires supportive and consistent behaviors. As we look at Margot’s list of characteristics we might view the role of father in the child’s development as comparable to the role of a metal tomato cage in the development of the tender tomato plant. The tomato cage does not dictate or impede the plant’s growth, but helps direct it in a way that allows the plant to produce quality fruit. Likewise, fathers “teach and challenge” their children to develop skills and become contributing members of society. The tomato cage also is a consistent part of the plant’s environment, much like a father “spending quality time” would be a consistent part of his children’s environment. Spending quality time together fosters closeness and strengthens the fatherchild relationship. The cage supports the developing plant and is a positive influence for its growth and development. Margot’s list of characteristics shows that her view of a father’s role includes behaviors of support and consistency, much like the tomato cage. As Hakoama and Ready [8] indicated, children greatly benefit from a father who spends time with his children, provides a meaningful role model and has a good relationship with their mother. In their previously mentioned study of college students, it was noted that many factors affected the students’ quality of fathering rating, among which were the father’s education level, yearly income, drinking habits, father availability in need, safety and friendliness of neighborhood, and parents’ marital relationship. While many of these factors affect and may confound each other, it is inter-

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esting to note that several of these factors relate to Margot’s list. For example, Margot indicated willingness to spend quality time together was a characteristic that fathers should possess, and this study reports that as the rating of father availability in need increased, so did the rating of quality of fathering. The parents’ marital relationship also had a positive association with the quality of fathering rating. Margot’s characteristic of being a role model was also seen as important to members of this study because the frequency of excessive drinking was associated with a lower father quality rating [8]. Looking again at fathering’s influence on child development outcomes, Rohner and Veneziano [7] reported that when fathers were highly involved with their children, (meaning they spent time with their children, were more available for their children, and took responsibility for the child’s care and welfare) the children tended to “be more cognitively and socially competent, less inclined toward gender stereotyping, more empathic, and psychologically better adjusted” [p. 392][7]. Campo and Rohner [14] compared psychological adjustment with perceived parental acceptance/rejection of 40 young adult substance abusers with 40 young adult non-abusers. From this study, Rohner and Veneziano reported that the participant’s perception of their father’s love or love withdrawal was the “best single predictor” of drug abuse [7, p. 394]. The impact of the role of the father and the influence of his supportiveness can be seen in child development outcomes. Booth and Amato [15] surveyed parents and their adult children (N = 419) in a longitudinal study and showed that parent-child closeness was negatively affected by serious marital problems, and the fatherdaughter closeness tended to be particularly vulnerable. This is further supported by Margot’s, emphasis in her fifth characteristic: “love, loyalty and mutual respect for mother of one’s children.” Returning again to the analogy, the tomato cage is most effective when it stands firmly with the Mother earth. Looking at Margot’s list we see characteristics of a father who brings structure and creates an emotional framework allowing his child to grow, like the tomato cage supporting and protecting the developing plant. The influence of the role of the father, as seen through the child’s eyes, is best when it includes qualities of support and consistent modeling of good behaviors, especially towards the child’s mother.

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4. Conclusion The father is a significant and unique part of the family unit. The role of the father, although complex, is also a very meaningful and influential part of a child’s development [2,5,7,8,11]. Through this case study and the related literature, fathering seems to be most effective for children when it involves the traditional aspects of selflessly caring, empowering, protecting and providing for the family, listening, teaching, supporting, spending quality time with the children and loving and respecting the children’s mother.

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Exploring the role of modern day fatherhood.

The case is the personal perspective and reflection of a father and his daughter, each individually addressing five key aspects of the role of father,...
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