Arch Sex Behav DOI 10.1007/s10508-013-0218-6

ORIGINAL PAPER

‘‘Children are Sexually Innocent’’: Iranian Parents’ Understanding of Children’s Sexuality Effat Merghati-Khoei • Naria Abolghasemi Thomas G. Smith



Received: 7 August 2012 / Revised: 7 March 2013 / Accepted: 17 March 2013  Springer Science+Business Media New York 2013

Abstract Sexuality education (SE) is hotly contested in the West and there is much abstinence-only education; however, it remains controversial in a variety of contexts, including in Iran. The lack of consensus about children’s SE in Muslim societies obliges us to explore different aspects of this topic systematically. The qualitative research presented here was about how Iranian parents perceived children’s sexuality. Data from parents of 26 children were collected during four focus group sessions. Informants were selected from Area 5 in West Tehran. This area included 72 primary schools for girls and 82 for boys. The sessions were facilitated by using a semi-structured focus group guide. Content analysis was adopted using combined free and analytical coding to reduce data, to extract meanings, and to categorize domains. One of the three main domains identified, family management of child sexuality, is comprised of the following: (1) understanding of child sexuality, (2) family rules, (3) parent–child interactions, and (4) opposite sex interactions. Parental misinformation, accumulated myths, and ignorance about children’s sexual development were evident. Strict family rules

E. Merghati-Khoei Iranian National Center of Addiction Studies (INCAS): The Risk Behavior Institution, Tehran University of Medical Sciences, Tehran, Iran E. Merghati-Khoei Family & Sexual Health Division BASIR, Tehran University of Medical Sciences, Tehran, Iran N. Abolghasemi (&) Child Health Office, Deputy of Health, Ministry of Health, Tehran, Iran e-mail: [email protected] T. G. Smith Center for Academic Excellence, Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, SC, USA

and a lack of consistent policy and instruction for SE were also identified.Parentssaidtheywere neitherwell-preparednorcompetent to educate their children about sexuality. In fact, a majority of mothers raised‘‘incompetence’’as an important determinant in their own parent–child interactions. Societal changes as well as children’s socialization patterns have forced parents to accept their children’s opposite sex friendships as a reality. Results suggest a community need for developing comprehensive and culturally sensitive SE for schools and parental use. Keywords Iran

Children  Parents  Sexuality education 

Introduction Since the 1960s, sexuality education (SE) has been subject to political and cultural debate among Americans, Australian, and Britons; children are usually ‘‘cast as pawns in these culture wars’’(Nelson & Martin, 2004). However, currently within the child health, family health, and sexuality fields, the importance of SE for children is widely accepted. SE may begin as early as toddlerhood, often as a response to children’s cues about what they need to know. Nevertheless, SE remains controversial in some societies for two main reasons: children are viewed as sexually innocent and many members of these societies are concerned that children will become sexually active as a consequence of education. As far back as the eighteenth century, Rousseau viewed children as sexually innocent (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009). Prior to this idea, it was a common belief that ‘‘children were naturally wicked and corrupted and that they required strict education, including flogging, to form them into moral human beings’’ (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009, p. 2). Particularly, the risk of masturbation was a central concern of churches and

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physicians. However, the idea of innocent children, which gained strength during the nineteenth century, shifted attitudes and regulations in Western societies, such as England, Germany, and Austria (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009). Despite such changes in many cultures, the older viewpoints about children’s SE still lead to ignorance and lack of knowledge about sexuality in many societies and/or cultural groups. While there are many definitions of‘‘sexuality,’’Hilber and Colombini (2002) defined sexuality as a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities and roles,sexualorientation,eroticism, pleasure,intimacy, and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts,fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes,values,behaviors, practices, roles, and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, cultural, ethical, legal, historical, and religious or spiritual factors. Despite widespread resistance across various societies to the dissemination of knowledge about children’s sexuality, scholars from the public health, sexology, and pediatric fields point out that sexuality-related knowledge does not cause inappropriate behaviors among children, but ignorance does (Andrade et al., 2009; Asekun-Olarinmoye, Dairo, Abodurin, & AsekunOlarinmoye, 2011; Gordon, 1986). In societies where concerns about the impact of sexual knowledge are less uniformly ascribed to or codified, informal sexual knowledge may be more readily disseminated through conversations (including those in the family setting) and the mass media. In such settings, formal sex education has not been found to cause early onset of sexual activity(Grunseit,Kippax,Aggleton,Baldo,&Slutkin,1997;Scott, 2005) and there is little reason to think that the results of such education would differ in other societies. Moreover, other research has shown that children who received formal or informal education by their fathers or mothers had fewer sexual partners in their adulthood (Haglund & Fehring, 2010). Clearly, the sexuality ofchildren is partly dependent on the relationship between children and parents (Schuster et al., 2008), and interventions that begin with an understanding of this near truism seem more likely to show some impact. Sexuality education remains controversial for a significant segment of the Muslim population. In Muslim families, parents are considered to be the main source of SE (Orgocka, 2004). Many common religious teachings lead to women feeling uncomfortable about discussing sexually-related knowledge with their children even though it can be argued that the Holy Quran emphasized the value of pursuing and acquiring such knowledge (Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008).In the days of Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), Muslims were never shy to ask him questions about their sexual lives. For example, Aisha, the wife of the prophet, witnessed that the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madina) were never shy to seek knowledge about their religion: ‘‘The way the women asked the prophet—directly or through his wives is a proof that sexual matters were not

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taboo but were fully acknowledged and respected’’(Kotb, 2004, p. 44). Evidently, Islamic morals may be read to be compatible with the natural growth of sexuality as part of being human (Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008). Even so, a culture of silence is the predominant view of sexuality in Iran, and this view is often justified by a religious frame. Silence, however, may compromise any parent’s knowledge and skills in educating children about sexuality. To break the silence, not only attitudes,but alsoknowledgeandskills,canbeaddressedthrough parental SE (Kanekar, Sharma, & Wray, 2009; Orgocka, 2004). Formal school-based education can help parents acquire such skills and knowledge. The limited evidence about children’s SE in Muslim societies obliges us to explore different aspects of this topic systematically. This article reports on one aspect of an advocacy and participatory research effort designed to develop a SE protocol by exploring parents’ and health educators’ perspectives about SE, targeting children in Tehran, Iran. The qualitative research presented here answers the following questions: (1) In what ways do parents perceive that they should get involved in their children’s sexuality, whether this is active initiation of education and communication, control/regulation, acceptance/encouragement, or silence/inaction; (2) How do they perceive their roles in children’s sexuality; (3) How do they respond to their children’s sexuality? Background Iran’s constitution is based on Islamic Law. Government policies and actions are guided by Shari’a and Islamic principles. Consistent with these principles, education for population control was established in a family planning law adopted in 1993. This law led the Ministry of Culture and Higher Education and the Ministry of Education to take action to increase students’ awareness about population and its relationship to development.Asa consequence,populationcontrol issuesare includedin the curricula at schools, universities, and premarital educational programs, but the curricula mostly avoid sexuality issues outside the realm of family planning (Merghati-Khoei, 2005). Regardless of Iran’s progress in addressing reproductive and sexual health and its move toward becoming a healthy society, a significant need for SE remains. Significant evidence has largely substantiated the need for sex education in Iran (AzizzadehForouzi & Mohammad-Alizade, 2007; Shirpak & Chinichian, 2001). A recent study showed that having pre-marital intimate relationships was a prevalent experience among young, female college students although it is culturally, legally, and religiously prohibited. In this study, having had a boyfriend was negatively associated with the closeness of the relationship with parents (Farahani,Cleland,&Mehryar,2011).InIran,pre-maritalsexual relationships and sexually risky behaviors have been linked to a lack of a formal system of comprehensive SE for either children or adults (Farahani et al., 2011; Mohammadi et al., 2006). Des-

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pite such clear indications of need, comprehensive SE has not yet been embraced in Iran as a young person’s right (McCall & McKay,2004;McKay,2004;Tavoosi,Zaferani,Enzevaei,Tajik, & Ahmadinezhad, 2004).

parents of both genders, he ended up playing a key informant and facilitator role. Although all participants were Muslim, heterogeneity in the level of religiosity was evident and this facilitated very interactive FGDs. We believe it also enabled the researchers to achieve significant variation in data.

Method Procedure This study was designed as part of a constructive relationship (Guba & Lincoln, 2005) created between the researchers and community partners (health instructors [HIs] and principals) from primary schools in District 5 in Tehran. In order to build the research process to explore such a culturally sensitive topic (Secor-Turner, Sieving, Garwick, Spratt, & Duke, 2010), the researchers used a collaborative interaction. We engaged the health teachers and principals as the stakeholders in all aspects of the research process. This participatory process was initiated followingaworkshopconductedbythefirstauthor(EMK)about children’s sexual behaviors for teachers and parents in West Tehran. Ethics approval for this qualitative study was obtained from Iran University of Medical Sciences and the Ministry of Training and Education in 2009. According to the Ministry of Training and Education, Tehran is divided into 20 areas. West Tehran is known as the most developed land (5287.1 ha) with a population of 80,000. Heterogeneity is this area’s character due to the number of migrants who reside there. District 5 in West Tehran is famed for its social stability, community participatory development, quality of life,aswellastheextentofsocialsupports,sightseeing,andpicnic areas (City Council, 2012). Informants were selected from District 5 because it was (1) assigned as a region to be covered by the researchers’ home institution (20 areas are divided between two main universities in terms of research sites) and (2) among TehranUniversityofMedical Sciencessites, District5 wasmore heterogeneous than others and has the highest number of schools. This district included 154 primary schools (n = 72 for girls; n = 82 for boys). From each school, parents of at least two children (26 in total) were invited to participate in focus group discussion sessions (FGDs). Participants In this study, we recruited health instructors (HIs) and parents. At thefirst phaseof thestudy, we selectedHIs(reported in Iranian journals), who were asked to invite parents. HIs selected those parents who they believed were keen on participating in the study and communicative enough to discuss sexuality related topics. Withtheexceptionofonefatherwhoalsohappenedtobeaschool HI, all the voluntary participants in this study were mothers (n = 25) even though both fathers and mothers were invited. This one father’s presence in the FGDs proved valuable becausehe wasalsoa trusted healthprofessionalinthe community. As a professional accustomed to working with children and

We employed FGDs as the primary means of gathering data (Morgan, 1997) because ‘‘children’s sexuality’’ is likely to be perceived differently across participants; parents may react in widely varying ways to the idea of SE for children; and we needed to clarify the potential options to address the needs of parents in dealing with children’s sexuality (Krueger & Casey, 2000). We structured the discussion with questions as follows: ‘‘What do you think about children as being sexual?’’;‘‘What do you think about children’s sexual behaviors?’’; ‘‘As a parent, how do you think the children’s sexuality should be handled by parents?’’Other questions grew out of the discussion and interaction that occurred among participants. Informed written consent was obtained from the participants prior to FGDs. The data were collected during four sessions. Each session included 8–10 persons. Two key informants from the first session were asked to participate in the second group because they promoted interaction. All the sessions were recorded and transcribed. Content analysis was adopted using combined free and analytical coding to reduce data, to extract meanings, and to categorize domains (Saldana, 2012). For the first session, coding was independently conducted by both EMK and NA, and then we compared all transcript passages to identify codes that were similar and different. In the next step, the differences discussed, resolved and ultimately re-coded. Then, emergent hypotheses were tested in subsequent FGDs. Coding of these subsequent transcripts was conducted the same as the first round of coding.

Results The findings on parents’ understanding of and management of children sexuality were categorized into three main domains: (1) family management of child sexuality, (2) school function, and (3) customs and religion. In this article, the main theme presented is‘‘family management of child sexuality.’’The subthemes that comprise the‘‘family management’’domain included understandingofchildsexuality,family rules, parent–child interactions, and opposite sex interactions. Family Management of Child Sexuality Although the participants came from different socioeconomic and educational classes, they all held the idea that families sho-

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uld restrict and control their children, particularly in sexual matters. According to the data, management means regulation, control,andsupervision.Managementofchildsexualitywasinfluenced by some key factors. Understanding of Child Sexuality: Children’s Sexual Behaviors in the Family Context Parental assumptions of the necessity for managing child sexuality were based on how they perceived child sexuality. Some assumptions revealed a lack of biomedical knowledge about the sexual development of children. The majority of the participants expressed disapproval when they were asked about children’s sexual games, about children who may touch their genitalia, or about phenomena that may be defined as sexual, such as erection in a baby boy. In fact, a number of mothers shared the idea that a baby boy’s erection was a serious problem. They considered that the boy’s erection was a form of misbehavior. They expressed concern that it could become habitual and therefore provide a meaninglesssenseofpleasurethatwouldbeharmfultothechild’s health as well as his future sex life. It seems that the informants did not consider children to be sexual beings. Instead, they conceptualized children’s sexuality asan‘inactiveenergy’or‘untappedforce’thatremainedlatentunless events arose, such as hearing or observing sexual matters. A majority of the parents held the viewpoint that children are ‘innocent’ and not to be considered as sexual beings. They felt that children are not ready to be aware of sexuality. They claimed that silence and ignorance would be the best means for coping with sexuality in children. In fact, premature puberty was defined as an unfortunate side effect of children becoming sexually informed. Even more concerning them, and despite what research has shown, the parents believed that an informed child would search for and possibly experience sex. The mothers’ misinformation, accumulated myths, and ignorance about children’s sexual development were evident. The findings suggest that women were preoccupied with what they perceived to be negative aspects of the sexuality of children, rather than understanding positive, healthy, and enjoyable experiences of sexuality during childhood. Family Rules: Supervision in the Family Environment Most parents believed that children’s sexual development should be closely supervised in the family environment. Despite this clearly preferred rule, parents indicated inconsistent execution of it. Indeed, despite the agreement that supervision was crucial,therewasadegreeofphobiaamongtheinformantswhich seemed to undermine their ability to supervise children’s sexuality. Some mothers believed that the children of the current generation are able to identify parents’ lack of knowledge and skill in sexualitymanagement.Topreventtheirchildrendiscoveringand taking advantage of their ignorance, they preferred to keep quiet.

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The flawed discussion surrounding family rules about sexual behavior of children often caused mothers’ overreaction to theirchildren’s behaviorsandemerging sexual awareness.These ideas were part of the mothers’ understanding of their duty to protect children by keeping them away from sexual information. An analytical evaluation of SE in the Iranian family context pointed to a low rate of attention of families to sexual awareness, sexual behaviors, and future sexual life in the rearing of children (Sobhaninezhad, Homaei, & Eliin, 2008). But studies have shown that it is not awareness and knowledge that cause and motivate inappropriate behaviors, but ignorance and misunderstanding(Asekun-Olarinmoyeetal.,2011;Charmaraman&McKamey, 2011; Wakley, 2011). Children with better information and knowledge about sexual affairs are less prone to unprotected sexual activities and relations in early ages (Andrade et al., 2009; Avachat, Phalke, & Phalke, 2011; Shin, Park, & Cha, 2011). Sexual training is one of the most important issues in the field of education; it plays a leading role in human character formation and leavesan impact on thoughts, emotions, andbehaviors (Andrade et al., 2009; Kanekar et al., 2009). The majority of mothers were concerned about their inability to manage their children’s sexuality. Nevertheless, there were mothers from the third generation (\30 years) who believed they were capable tomanage theirchildren’ssexuality. The clear majority in their 30s and 40s argued that they could not be an appropriate educator for their children because they were not properly informed about sexuality themselves. Afewofthereligiousparticipantsheldtheideathatanyhuman being would be able to manage sexuality without education in adulthood because sexuality is an inborn phenomenon. They did not consider explicit learning about sexuality to be a necessity in a child’s life. Their views were that the penis itself would ‘naturally’ find its own way into the vagina, as that was its intrinsic character. Likewise, a breast would grow by itself and feed a baby after childbirth; sexuality had nothing to do with learning and, therefore, sex education was not considered necessary. Holding views similar to the parents in a prior study (Merghati-Khoei, 2005), the participants also believed that sex education and ‘‘overeducating children are reasons for promiscuity in Western societies’’(p. 177). From their viewpoint, humans’ curiosity, particularly in childhood, can lead them to explore more and to experience pleasure in the first experience of sexual activity, which will make them misbehave sexually. This first pleasurable experience was the point parents found dangerous and sinful for their children and therefore hoped to avoid.ReligionisanimportantfactorinfluencingIranianwomen’s sexual understandings and is therefore clearly relevant to SE (Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008). Golroz,1 a 46-year old high school graduate and housewife who was a member of local parenting group to combat social misbehaviors (one son and two daughters), said: 1

Pseudonyms were used for the participants.

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We are adopting western cultural models via mobile and internet. It means we are losing our children and have no control over them. All of us live in apartments, and children exchange their information regardless of what technology they have access to (FGD2). She considered cultural changes as warning signs that demand much more attention and educational planning for children. Accordingtoahighlyeducatedmother,Golsanam(44 years), with two sons at Grade five and in primary school, management of child sexuality reflected a perception among parents that they were unable to control/regulate their children’s sexuality. She discussed that the lack of knowledge and fear of misguiding the children led parents to make up concepts and set up codes to regulate their children’s sexuality. It seemed that this mother implicitly approved of sex education for children as well as for their parents: In my opinion, such training should originate inside the family. We should first focus on family and start the training and modifications inside the families as the main foundationofsociety.Thenyouwillhavedeliveredasmart and informed child into the society (FGD1). She considered family as the most important environment for educating children throughout the sexual life, well into adulthood even after marriage. For only a few mothers in our FGDs, findings were similar to other studies in which parents were the first persons dealing with and possibly observing children’s sexual behaviors (Friedrich & Trane, 2002). A vast amount of research has been conducted regarding parents as primary educators to children in order to prevent and protect them against sexual misconduct and rear them in a healthy and informed context (Faghihi,2008).AstudyinCaliforniashowedthatthetrainedparents talked significantly more with their children about sexual health and had more skills in this regard than the control group. Studies have considered the mother to be a significant person in reporting the sexual behaviors of her children (Friedrich, 1991) because mothers were the main observers and reporters of children’s sexual behaviors (Schoentjes, Deboutte, & Friedrich, 1999).Friedrichand Trane (2002)consideredthe homeasa private setting through which children learned appropriate sexual behaviors from their caregivers. The importance of the role of the mother in molding a child’s sexual behavior was identified in large-scale studies that compared home settings to day care centers (Larsson & Svedin, 2002; Lindblad, Gustafsson, Larsson, & Lundin, 1995). In our FGDs, lack of consistent policies within families, strict rules, and ignorance about children’s sexual behaviors were evident. The findings suggest that parents were not well-prepared and competent to deal with different aspects of the sexuality of children.

Parent–Child Interactions: Parents’ Perceived Incompetence Generally, a clear pattern of parent–child communication about sexuality-related matters was not observed. This lack reflected the obstacles mothers had about children’s sexuality. Most mothers highlighted the impact of their own learning of sexuality on their interactions with the children. They recalled how they had learned about themselves and their bodies. They mostly identified their‘‘selves’’and their bodies based on what they had heard and observed and how they had been brought up. The women explicitly linked their childhood experiences to the models they currently employ in nurturing and educating their children. Nevertheless,theyexpressedtheirdistressaboutthenewgeneration’s needs, as well as their forms oftraining andeducation. Theybelieved that children are faced with new intervening factors, such as movies, digital media, and videos. They believed that the societal condition is changing from a traditional one to the modernized form. This shift has created a subculture by which children model their sexuality, making the parents feel separated from their children. Golnaz, a 36-year-old mother practicing as a social worker with twin daughters, showed that she is not ready to initiate SE for her twins. From Golnaz’s viewpoint, her interactions with the twin girls have different meanings and should not be contaminated by sexuality talk. Although this mother did not seem to be ready to be involved in the sexuality matters of her children, she accepted sexual education using new approaches. However, she believed this is other institutions’ responsibility: Our training must start via mass media and schools and first and the most they must teach parents. We shouldn’t have a traditional approach in our trainings as our parents did so and willy-nilly it may affect us (FGD4). Studies show that parents lack the required skills and knowledge related to the sexuality of children (Wamoyi, Fenwick, Urassa, Zaba, & Stones, 2010; Wilson & Koo,2010) and schools can help them to achieve such skills (Turnbull, van Wersch, & van Schaik, 2008). A study with Iranian women showed that in dealingwithsexualityrelatedconversationswithchildren,parents may lack a vocabulary of inoffensive words for genitalia and issues such as pregnancy or childbearing. Families largely do not feel comfortable to use sexual wordsand terms in their daily conversations with children (Merghati-Khoei & Richters, 2008). Similarly, Sogol, a housewife with two children, compared her own living context with the conditions of her children: We grew up in such a society in which nobody dared to talk about such matters till coming to the marriage point. Suddenly, we have found ourselves in a new era in which video, movies, and TV channels have drawn children’s

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attention. Considering all the above limitations and huge gaps, we keep our distance…to not motivate their curiosity and excitement on such affairs. But nowadays, I am baffled how to talk about such facts with our children (FGD4). Although she believed in training and educating children about sexual matters, the gap she felt between the children and herself positioned Sogol uncomfortably as an unskilled and uninformed mother. Nonetheless, the majority of mothers asserted that they would communicate with their children closely but free of any explicit‘‘sexual’’connotation (e.g., because the Farsi word for ‘‘breast’’ can be interpreted as offensive, these mothers would communicate about breasts using the genderneutral Farsi word for‘‘chest’’). The majority of mothers raised ‘incompetence’ as an important determinant in parent–child interactions while other studies showed that parents feel shy and embarrassed to open a conversation with their children about sexual behavior and don’t have the required skills and knowledge (Turnbull et al., 2008; Wamoyi et al., 2010). The key relation between parents and children is crucial to SE and it is necessary for parents to gain knowledge and skills regarding the sexuality of children (Wilson & Koo, 2010). Parents need particular skills training to overcome the barriers to interaction they encounter. Opposite Sex Friendships as Taboo Although worried about their own competence as educators, a majority of participants appeared to consider opposite sex interactions a clear and problematic behavior with sexual implications. This most dominant viewpoint pathologizing opposite sex friendship, however, also reinforced societal double standards about gender roles in other spheres and in otherage groups. As Hanassab (1998) observed in earlier work,‘‘From early childhood, members of each gender were initiated into their respective roles and were socialized to a double standard sexual morality’’(p. 65). The majority of mothers believed girls should not be involved in opposite sex friendships until marriage but that boys could and should learn more about the opposite gender through friendships. In the Iranian culture, dating and intimate interactions, particularly for young women, is not accepted (Hanassab, 1998). Those mothers holding this view believed that girls should be restricted in opposite sex encounters because their future life is jeopardized if they experience emotional satisfaction by having interactions with a boy and‘‘fall in love with him.’’In their view, girls do not need relations with the opposite sex because they can be satisfied by having close and intimate interactions with their parents by which their physical and emotional needs will be met. Nevertheless, there were several women who accepted opposite sex friendships. Rose, in her 30s, suggested that

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itisthe socialcontext which determinesrulesrelatedtoboy-girl relationships: No choice…girls are in touch with society even more than boys, so they should learn how to be with boys…nowadays girls marry at older ages…no matter how much we mothers are annoyed… (FGD3). In her opinion, she must train her child correctly to manage her/his friendships. All women pointed to discrepancies and inconsistencies between the traditional and modern society. In their opinion, in the past, opposite sex friendship was considered a misbehaviorordisorder,butithasbecomeanormfortheirchildren.A few mothers believed that dismissing opposite sex friendships mightcauseproblemsintheyouth’ssocialinteractions.Themost educated mothers utilized opposite sex friendship as‘‘an important index in one’s socialization process’’(Rose). According to these parents, there was a huge difference in the socialization of the third generation compared to their own. A majority of participants believed that generational differences caused cultural discrepancies and contrasts between parents and children so that parents could not comply with such behaviors. Apparently, the parents accept that new generations develop differing views about sexuality, with openness to opposite sex friendships as a particular case. Yet, their acceptance of generational shifts in mores was limited to an opinion about society generally, not for their own children. Clearly, parents were pessimistic about social interactions with the opposite sex and professed a belief in‘‘holding a culturalbalance between two generations,’’thoughmost did not believe in any form of relationships with the opposite sex before marriage, for girls in particular. Throughout our FGDs, the parents were unable to conceptualize the cultural balance. Golfam, a 45-year housewife with two daughters, said: During the era I grew up in, the friendship between boys and girls was a taboo and misbehavior, while it has turned into an ordinary social phenomenon right now… unfortunately, this creates contrast and disagreement. So there should be a balance created between these two eras. It is obvious that, with the existence of new media and electronic devices, there is no way for us to take our children back to our own time. I would love to have my children trained either by parents or schools but this training should be based on cultural principles, and children should know what to do and how to behave so that they can protect themselves (FGD4). Golfam suggested that children’s awareness regarding opposite sex friendship must rise through family relationships and daily conversation so that they can prevent and protect themselves against some disorders families are concerned about (she appeared to be referring to sexual abuse).

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These parents believed their children were affected by their peersorclassmatesregardingmakingfriendshipsorrelationships with the opposite sex when they shift from primary school to secondary school. These parents believed that, although SE should be compatible with family culture and custom, inevitably the informationandskillstheylearnfrom theirpeerswillbeinconsistent withfamilyculture.Therefore,thelackofpurposefulSEwasconsidered as‘‘a big mistake.’’However, societal changes as well as children’s socialization patterns have forced the parents to accept opposite sex friendship as a reality. A few mothers highlighted that, in order to face this reality appropriately, they must be prepared and skilled in handling the sexuality of their children.

the possibility of childhood sexual lives. Yet, children, even very young ones, do not learn about sexuality solely from parents nor do children always absorb the information and meanings their parents convey in the way parents expect. The means of sexuality management that these parents offer children is likely disrupted in numerous ways throughout childhood. Traditionally, the social priorities for Iranian women have been considered to be reproduction, mothering, and child care, which defined as a maternalist ideology (Kashani-Sabet, 2006). In this maternalism, Kashani-Sabet observed‘‘an ideology that promoted motherhood, child care, and maternal well-being not only within the strictures of family, but also in consideration of nationalist concerns’’(p. 2). These maternalist responsibilities place mothers squarely in the place of managing (or avoiding) children’s sexuality.

Discussion Implications The findings suggested that mothers’ views were constructed silentlyandtheirpersonalunderstandingsoftheirchildren’ssexuality were constructed without explicitly and actively seeking counsel from outside sources. Most of the participants who are parenting in a gendered and sexually conservative context assume that their children are asexual yet born with an instinct to become heterosexual. They described romantic and adult sexual relationships to children only when the children reached marital age; in the meantime, they attempted to make sexual matters undetectable to their children. These mothers’ silent presentation of the sexual world may jeopardize the children’s healthy psychosexual development (Atienzo, Walker, Campero, LamadridFigueroa, & Gutierrez, 2009; Young, Deardorff, Ozer, & Lahiff, 2011). Finally, very few parents strongly believed in the possibility that children could be sexually active any time in their adolescence or prior to marriage. They reflected intellectually that they wished for their children to be sexually informed; however, to achieve this end, they pursued a passive strategy of ‘‘crossing their fingers’’and hoping school would take the responsibility of educating children. A few mothers, primarily those from conservativereligiousbackgrounds,workedtoprevent children from acting out sexually. These mothers thought that they could prevent their children from being sexual by teaching that sexual behaviors were wrong, shameful, and sinful, and requiring traditionally accepted gender roles. These findings showed parents in Iran simultaneously pathologizing sexuality in childhood and perceiving children to be asexual, innocent beings. Recognizing the potential for conflict inherent to these two themes, within families and within more broad cultural organizations may facilitate understanding of the cultural foundations of sexuality among Iranian Muslims. This understanding could assist policy makers and health providers in suggesting culturally compatible, formal SE. Parents, particularly mothers, seek to manage their children’s sexuality through family policies or rules which exclude

It should not be assumed that there is a universal standard for knowledge and truth about the meaning of sexuality. Sexual scripts, the ways sexuality’s meanings are formulated, are not universal (Merghati-Khoei, 2005) while‘‘sexuality education’’ is often perceived to be a unified and singular approach. We argue that the content for SE needs to be excerpted from and then re-presented in accord with the values of the given society or community. However, even with the consequence that SE content might vary across differing communities, ideal goals andoutcomeswould bequitesimilar: healthypsychosexual development, protection, and prevention of sexually-related risk for children. Parents need awareness and information regarding sexuality-related topics to be prepared to educate children from their early childhood. Professionals must teach and train teachers andparentstounderstandchildren’ssexualitydevelopment.Sexuality topics can be included in teachers’ education curricula or integrated into refresher courses. Comprehensive and culturally sensitive SE for children in school and for parents to deliver at home should be developed.Comprehensive sexuality education(CSE) isa commonmodel which can besupported byfaithbased organizations and community initiatives (Boonstra, 2008) and move beyond reproduction. It promotes one’s sexual awareness, empowers children to have control over their sexual lives, and makes it possible for them to make decisions consistent with their values at the time of sexual encounters. Although CSE addressessexual orientation (i.e., homosexuality, bisexuality), these are highly restricted topics and cannot be applied legally in Iranian contexts. The CSE model seems well-suited for implementation in the Iranian context, in part because religious groups can play significant roles. Currently, religious teaching and leaders arethemostimportantSEresources.Clericsopenlyteachtheyoung populationabouttheirsexualityinthemosquesorschools.Theyare fully authorized to speak out and use Islamic codes to disseminate sexuality-relatedinformation.Currently,theseteachingsmainly

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focus on abstinence, management of sexual urges before marriage, and avoiding masturbation. Encouraging young people to marryisthemaingoalofSEprovidedbyfaith-basedorganizations. In summary, the parents in this sample expressed an understanding of children’s sexuality that was firmly embedded in and influenced by the contemporary cultural context in Iran. To develop a culturally comprehensive SE model in an Iranian context, we need to take into consideration cultural and religious codes about sexuality. The existing models of SE that do not account for such codes or tap into their potential may not achieve the goals of structured and commonly used SE.

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"Children are sexually innocent": Iranian parents' understanding of children's sexuality.

Sexuality education (SE) is hotly contested in the West and there is much abstinence-only education; however, it remains controversial in a variety of...
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